Short Jokes

Whether you’re a short person yourself, or just looking for some funny jokes to share with your friends, there’s something here for everyone who can take a joke! So read on, have fun, and get ready to enjoy some of the best short jokes around.

1. How does Moses make tea? He brews.
2. What is red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
3. Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
4. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Oh sheet!
5. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
6. What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
7. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s okay. He woke up.
8. What did the man say to his fingers? I’m counting on you.
9. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
10. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
11. What do kids play when their mom is using the phone? Bored games.
12. I invented a new word! Plagiarism!
13. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
14. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
15. You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
16. What did one hat say to the other? You wait here. I’ll go on a head.
17. How do pigs do their homework? With a pigpen.
18. Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? Because they always take things literally.
19. What do you call an ant who fights crime? A vigilANTe!
20. How do you hire a horse? Put it on a ladder.
21. Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He drank the coffee before it was cool.
22. Why should the number 288 never be mentioned? It’s two gross
23. What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line.
24. What is an astronaut’s favorite part on a computer? The space bar.
25. What do pigs use in the shower? Hogwash.
26. Why did the nurse need a red pen? In case she needed to draw blood.
27. Why are snails slow? Because they’re carrying a house on their back.
28. What do you call a pony with a cough? A little horse.
29. Where does the General keep his armies? In his sleevies!
30. What’s Forest Gump’s password? 1Forest1.
31. How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste.
32. Want to hear a construction joke? Oh never mind, I’m still working on that one.
33. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
34. What’s the smartest insect? A spelling bee!
35. What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny.
36. Why aren’t koalas actual bears? They don’t meet the koalafications.
37. Can February march? No, but April may.
38. What’s the pirate’s favorite letter? The “C.”
39. What’s the best way to plan a party in space? You planet.
40. What does a storm cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.
41. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
42. What do you call bears with no ears? B.
43. What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4k? “HDMI.”
44. What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
45. How does a rabbi make coffee? Hebrews it.
46. What is fast, loud and crunchy? A rocket chip.
47. What kind of witch goes to the beach? A sandwich.
48. What do you call a couple of chimpanzees sharing an Amazon account? PRIME-mates.
49. Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
50. What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
51. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because she was stuffed.
52. Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
53. Why did the sauna go to the doctor? It wasn’t feeling so hot.
54. What did one math book say to the other? I’ve got so many problems.
55. How much do dead batteries cost? There should be no charge.
56. Why did the owl quit its job? It didn’t give a hoot.
57. What’s red and moves up and down? A tomato in an elevator.
58. What do birds give out on Halloween? Tweets.
59. Why did the M&M go to school? He wanted to be a Smartie.
60. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
61. What do you call a guy who’s really loud? Mike.
62. Did you hear about the soap-stealing robber? He decided to come clean.
63. Why do French people eat snails? They don’t like fast food.
64. What has ears but cannot hear? A cornfield.
65. Why didn’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
66. What did the ghost call his Mum and Dad? His transparents.
67. Why don’t people play more hide-and-seek? Because good players are hard to find.
68. What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck.
69. What’s a cat’s favorite dessert? A bowl full of mice-cream.
70. Why are ghosts such bad liars? Because they are easy to see through.
71. What do you call a train carrying bubblegum? A chew-chew train.
72. How do you drown a hipster? Throw him in the mainstream.
73. Why are astronauts so clean? They take meteor showers.
74. Why can’t male ants sink? They’re buoy-ant.
75. Where did the music teacher leave her keys? In the piano!
76. What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell!
77. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
78. Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game? All of the fans left.
79. When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.
80. What does the man on the moon do when his hair gets too long? Eclipse it.
81. What did the policeman say to his hungry stomach? Freeze. You’re under a vest.
82. How do trees get online? They just log on!
83. What does a pepper do when it’s angry? It gets jalapeño face!
84. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine.
85. What did the hamburgers name their new baby? Patty.
86. What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.
87. Which superhero hits home runs? Batman!
88. Why did the orange stop? It ran out of juice!
89. What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper.
90. What did one pickle say to the other? Dill with it.
91. What’s a private investigator’s favorite shoe? Sneak-ers.
92. What’s Thanos’ favorite app on his phone? Snapchat.
93. How are false teeth like stars? They come out at night!
94. Why doesn’t the sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees!
95. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator.
96. What is a little bear with no teeth is called? A gummy bear.
97. What is a room with no walls? A mushroom.
98. What do you call a pig who knows karate? A pork chop!
99. What do you call a sad strawberry? A blueberry!
100. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells!
101. What did one traffic light say to the other? Stop looking at me, I’m changing.
102. Why don’t you ever see giraffes in middle school? Because they’re all in high school.
103. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
104. What did Mama Tomato say to Baby Tomato when he lagged behind? Ketchup!
105. I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.
106. How did the blonde die ice fishing? She was hit by the zamboni.
107. Where do you learn to make ice cream? Sundae school.
108. What makes a sick lemon feel better? Lemon-aid.
109. What did the green grape say to the purple grape? OMG!!!!!!! BREATHE!! BREATHEEEEE!!!!!
110. What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? “Curses! Foil again!”
111. What’s a parent’s favorite Christmas carol? Silent Night.
112. Why did the roofer go to the doctor? He had shingles.
113. Where do woodland birds invest their money? The stork-market.
114. Why did the frog take the bus to work today? His car got toad away.
115. What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? Thanks— I’ll never part with it!
116. Why did the toddler toss the butter out the window? So she could see a butter-fly.
117. What kind of music do bubbles hate? Pop.
118. Why did the computer hate commuting to work? It had a hard drive.
119. What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
120. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
121. What did the triangle say to the circle? You’re pointless!
122. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she’d let it go!
123. What kind of fish loves going to war? A swordfish.
124. How do porcupines kiss? Carefully!
125. Where do vampires keep their money? A blood bank.
126. Why is she called llene? She stands on equal legs.
127. Why don’t oysters share? They’re a little shellfish!
128. What do you call a gazelle in a lion’s territory? Denzel.
129. How did the bird break into the house? It came with a crow bar!
130. What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.
131. How do trees have so many friends? They branch out!
132. Where do hamburgers and hot dogs go dancing? A meatball.
133. Why didn’t the elf pay his rent? He was a little short.
134. How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced? A buck an ear.
135. What did east say to west? You mustn’t go north when things are going south!
136. What do you call a piece of seaweed that’s fallen in the trash? Yaki Nori.
137. What kind of birds eat at the deli? Bagels.
138. What do you call a cow with bad manners? Beef jerky.
139. At what time of day was Adam created by God? Before Eve!
140. What do you call a retired vegetable? A has-bean.
141. Did you hear about the broken hearing aid? Wait, what?
142. Why should you eat a clock? It’s too time-consuming.
143. Did you hear about the car with logs for wheels? It wooden go.
144. What do you call a cow with an award? Coward!
145. Why do hurricanes wear a monocle to see? Because they have one eye.
146. Have you ever been camping? It’s in tents.
147. What kind of fruit is always sorry for being a prick? Cactus.
148. What cookie flavor do monkeys love? Chocolate Chimp!
149. When is a pool safe for diving? It deep ends.
150. What are bald sea captains most worried about? Cap-sies.
151. What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.
152. Why should you avoid artists? They tend to be sketchy.
153. How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles.
154. What food is never on time? Choco-late!
155. What color looks sick? Pale colors
156. What is ground beef? A cow with no legs.
157. What animal dresses up and howls? A wearwolf.
158. What do you call a tired bull? A bulldozer.
159. Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken wasn’t born yet.
160. What’s the largest gem on earth? A baseball diamond!
161. What do you get if you dip a baby cat in chocolate? A Kitty-Kat Bar!
162. What is a jewelry with micky mouse design called? Carat!
163. What do you think of that new diner on the moon? Food was good, but there really wasn’t much atmosphere.
164. What did the scared fruit say to the banana? Don’t go banana.
165. Why is the sun the most educated? Because it has millions of degrees!
166. How do you know when a computer is on a diet? It quits eating after only one byte.
167. What is common between a tornado and a sports car driver? They always go for a spin!
168. Did you hear about the ski trip? It started off fine but went downhill fast.

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