Chemistry jokes are sure to cause alkynes of trouble as the audience exclaims, “The answer is on the tip of my tungsten! ” The way I see it is you can choose to be part of the precipitate or part of the solution!

cartoon beakers

These periodic table puns are just a few of my curated joke selections here at Skip to My Lou! Along with Vitamin C and Vitamin D, I believe we all benefit from a healthy dose of laughter each day, so please check these out: Mom Jokes and Nut Jokes-guaranteed to Crack you Up!

think like a proton always stay positive
Think Like a Proton, Always Positive

Chemistry Jokes

  1. Why can you never trust an atom? They make up literally everything.
  2. What should do you do when a Chemist dies? Barium!
  3. Lose an electron? Gotta keep an ion it.
  4. If H2O is the formula for water, then what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed!
  5. A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much a drink costs? “For you, no charge.”
  6. I think that angry flask completely overreacted.
  7. Want to hear a Potassium joke? K!
  8. Carbon and hydrogen went on a date. I heard they really bonded.
  9. What show do cesium and iodine love to watch together? CsI
  10. Does anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na
  11. Make like a proton and stay positive.
  12. What do you call an acid with an attitude? A-mean-o Acid
  13. What is a chemist’s favorite holiday song? Oh Chemist-TREE, oh Chemist-TREE!
  14. I like to hear chemistry puns, periodically.
  15. The proton is not speaking to the other proton, he’s mad atom.
  16. Wait, are all these jokes too basic for you? Because I see no reaction.
  17.  What do you call a nonsensical felon? A silicon
  18. Titanium is an amorous metal. When it gets hot, it will combine with anything!
  19. Why did the attacking army use acid? To neutralize the enemy’s base!
  20. Chemists are so happy in the lab because they’re in their element.
  21. Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just couldn’t put it down!
  22. Why does a hamburger have less energy than steak? Because it’s in the ground state!
  23. Two atoms are walking down the street. One atom says to the other, “Hey! I think I lost an electron!” The other asks, “Are you sure?” “Yes, I’m positive!
  24. The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
  25. What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can’t helium and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium.
  26. Wait, are all these jokes too basic for you? Because I see no reaction.
once I told a chemistry joke, there was no reaction
Funny Chemistry Jokes!

How to Use these Periodic Table Jokes

Wouldn’t it be fun to print these jokes off to read at your next family dinner, party or occasion where folks are gathered? These would make fun additions to your Science teacher’s End of Year gift.

If you have a Snapchat streak going with someone, here are 25 days worth of jokes! Do you have a meme expert on hand? They could turn these jokes into Chemistry Memes!

Let me know in the comments how you plan to use these! Surely I’m not the only one who appreciates a little sodium chloride sprinkled on my popcorn as I ride the ferrous wheel!

I Make Science Puns Periodically
I Make Science Puns Periodically

More Chemistry Jokes (Updated)

  1. Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK!
  2. What’s the dullest element? Bohrium!
  3. What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.
  4. Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar!
  5. What element derives from a Norse god? Thorium.
  6. What was Avogadro’s favorite sport? Golf, because he always got a mole-in-one.
  7. What did silver say to gold at the bar? Au, get outta here!
  8. What do you call a clown in jail? A Silicon!
  9. Want to hear a joke about nitrogen oxide? NO!
  10. What is a chemist’s favorite holiday song? Oh Chemist-TREE, oh Chemist-TREE!
  11. What did the man say when his girlfriend threw sodium and chloride at him? That’s as-salt!
  12. What happened to the man stopped for having sodium chloride and a 9-volt in his car? He was booked for a salt and battery.
  13. Why do chemists like nitrates so much? They’re cheaper than day rates!
  14. What’s a chemistry teacher’s favorite thing to teach about? Ammonia, because it’s pretty basic stuff.
  15. What do the other elements say about hydrogen? He’s such a loner!
  16. What do chemists call a benzene ring where the carbon atoms are replaced with iron atoms? A ferrous wheel.
  17. What should you do if no one laughs at your chemistry jokes? Keep telling them until you get a reaction.
  18. Did you hear the one about cobalt, radon, and yttrium? It was CoRnY.
  19. Want to hear a joke about sodium, bromine, and oxygen? NaBrO.
  20. Why do chemists find working with ammonia easy? Because it’s pretty basic stuff.
  21. How did the hipster chemist burn his hand? He picked up his beaker before it was cool.
  22. What’s a chemist’s favorite type of dog? A Laboratory retriever.
  23. What’s Iron Man’s favorite amusement park ride? The ferrous wheel.
  24. What is Cole’s Law? Thinly sliced cabbage.
  25. Why did the bear dissolve in water? It was a polar bear.
  26. What did one ion say to the other? I’ve got my ion you.
  27. Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber? To reduce his carbon footprint.
  28. What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? One molar solution.
  29. What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph? Breaking up is hard to do.
  30. How did the chemist survive the famine? By subsisting on titrations.
  31. Why can’t lawyers do NMR? Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
  32. What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
  33. What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car? He was booked for a salt and battery.
  34. What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.
  35. What is the name of 007’s Eskimo cousin? Polar Bond.
  36. How often should you tell a chemistry joke? Periodically.
  37. Did you hear that oxygen proposed to magnesium? OMg!
  38. What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? HeHe.
  39. What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium!
  40. Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he left the singles bar? Because he got Avogadro’s number!
  41. Why do chemists like nitrates so much? They’re cheaper than day rates!
  42. Why should you go drinking with neutrons? Because wherever they go, there’s no charge!
  43. What is the most important rule in chemistry? Never lick the spoon!
  44. What kind of weapon can you make out of Potassium, Nickel, and Iron? A KNiFe.
  45. What do you call two diamonds out on the town? Carbon dating.
  46. Why does a hamburger have less energy than a steak? Because it’s in the ground state!
  47. What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?S eparation anxiety.
  48. What happens when Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up? They become instant alloys.
  49. Why do chemists love club music? They love when the base drops.
  50. What do you call a 2000 pound chemistry professor who’s always smiling? A pro-ton.
  51. Why are chemists great for solving problems? Because they always have a solution!
  52. How did the hipster chemist burn his hand on the beaker? He picked it up before it was cool.
  53. What do you call a purse filled with sulfur, tungsten, and silver? A SWAg bag.
  54. What do the other elements say about hydrogen? He’s such a loner!
  55. Why didn’t the physics and biology teachers get along? They had no chemistry.
  56. Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends argon.
  57. Where do amino acids go to pray? The cysteine chapel.
  58. What is the chemical formula for “banana”? BaNa2.
  59. Where do you put dirty dishes? The zinc.
  60. When God created the earth, what mattered to him most? Atom and Eve.
  61. Why are the noble gasses so lonely? Because they’re most stable alone.
  62. Why did the medieval chemist travel the world? He wanted to master alchemy.
  63. Why did the ammonia order a pumpkin spice latte? Because it’s basic.
  64. What’s Superman’s favorite element? Krypton.
  65. What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.
  66. Why shouldn’t you drink water while studying? It decreases your concentration!
  67. How often does a chemist need coffee? They need caffeine periodically.
  68. What do you say when you run out of chemistry jokes?I should zinc of new ones.
  69. What did one acid say to the other? You’re overreacting.
  70. What did the cat say after drinking methanol? MeOH MeOH.
  71. Why was the DJ called DJ Enzyme? He was always breaking it down.
  72. Are you full of beryllium, gold, and titanium? Because you are BeAuTi-Full.
  73. What did the atom say at the electron sale? One cation’s trash is another anion’s treasure.
  74. What did the chemist say when there was an explosion in the lab? Oxidants happen.
  75. Old chemists never die. Why? They just stop reacting.
  76. Why is organic chemistry so hard? The subject has alkynes of trouble.
  77. What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? You may have graduated, but I’ve got many degrees.
  78. What happened when carbon and hydrogen went on a date? They really bonded.
  79. How did the football cheerleader define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
  80. What is the chemical name of the following benzene-like molecule? Orthodox
  81. What is the name of the molecule bunny-O-bunny? An ether bunny
  82. If a mole of moles were digging a mole of holes, what would you see?A mole of molasses.
  83. Why is potassium a racist element? Because, when you put three of them together, you get KKK.
  84. How did the political science major define free radical on his chemistry exam? A wild protestor.
  85. How many guacs are in a bowl of guacamole? Avocados number.
  86. Where does the German chemistry teacher put the used batteries of an electrolytic experiment? In the zinc.
  87. What does a photon say when the bellboy asks if he needs any help with his luggage? No thanks, I’m traveling light.
  88. What did the scientist receive on the first day of Christmas? A partridge in a petri!
  89. What is a physicist’s favorite food? Fission chips
  90. What caption does the physicist use for his food photos? Triga-nom-nom-nom-etry
  91. What is a physicist’s favorite part of a baseball game? The wave
  92. What do you call the group of people before millennials that love water? Hydrogeneration X
  93. Why do enzymes make the best deejays? Because they always break it down.
  94. What do you call the smartest monster of them all? FrankEinstein
  95. What did the biologist wear on his first date? Designer genes
  96. What do you call someone who steal energy? A Joule thief!
  97. Why did the germ cross the microscope? To get to the other slide
  98. What do you call a microbiologist that has traveled a lot of countries? A man of many cultures
  99. Why did the man wish he was DNA helicase? So he could unzip your genes
  100. What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder
  101. What did the hungry plant say to the other? I can use a light snack
  102. Why is the spinal column so audacious? Because he’s got nerve!
  103. Why isn’t energy made of atoms? It doesn’t matter.
  104. What did the girl say when her lab partner hit her with a human bone? That’s humerus.
  105. Where does bad light end up?In prism. What’s the fastest way to figure out the sex of a chromosome? Just pull down its genes
  106. Where does a hippopotamus go to university? Hippocampus
  107. What do you call two dinosaurs that have been in an accident? Tyrannosaurus wrecks
  108. What do you call a snake that 3.24 feet long? Aπthon
  109. What do you call a salty car? A sodium chlo-ride.
  110. How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a train driver? Ask them to pronounce “unionized”.
  111. ow can you tell when an Organometallic is drunk? It’s epoxicated.
  112. Why is the world so diverse? It’s made up of alkynes of people!
  113. What is the most important rule in chemistry? Don’t befriend the lab mice.
  114. What’s a pirate’s favorite element? (your victim may assume “arrrrgon”.)Gold.
  115. How can you spot a chemist in the bathroom? They wash their hands before they use the toilet.
  116. Why aren’t chemists ever able to prank their friends? Because they lack the element of surprise.
  117. What’s the fastest Noble gas? Neeeeeon.
  118. How does a physical chemist wash their glassware? They get an organic chemist to do it.
  119. Why does the army use acid? To neutralize the enemy base.
  120. What’s a sign of a bad chemistry joke? No Reaction
  121. How do you insult someone who’s good looking? You’re so basic, you’re a 10 on the pH scale.

More Jokes from Me to You

I don’t know the chemical formula or the organic chemistry behind why we feel better after laughing, but I do know I feel better! So have a laugh on me and thank you for being here today!

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