Science Jokes include jokes about Biology, Physics jokes, and Chemistry jokes. What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can’t helium and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium!

Science teachers and I share a love of funny nerd jokes because science is a serious business, so biology jokes, physics puns, and chemistry cackles help us enjoy the smoother side of the endoplasmic reticulum! Check out these Chemistry Jokes for the next time you sit at the Periodic Table.

cartoon kids telling science jokes

Science Jokes

  1. What is the quickest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? Pull down its genes.
  2. What kind of tree can be placed in your hand? A palm tree
  3. What does blood say when it’s trying to be optimistic? B Positive.
  4. Why are chemists excellent for solving problems? They have all the solutions.
  5. What’s the tiniest virus in the world? Smallpox.
  6.  How do astronauts organize a successful surprise party? They planet.
  7. What did the male magnet say to the female magnet? Seeing you from the back, I thought you were repulsive. But seeing you from the front, I find you rather attractive.
  8. What do rich clouds do? They make it rain!
  9. Why was the amoeba sad? His parents just split.
  10. Relativity: When the family gets together
  11. What does Earth say to make fun of the other planets? “You guys have not life!”
  12. Why did the biologist break up with the physicist? They had no chemistry.
  13. How much room do fungi need in order to grow? As mushroom as possible!
  14. A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “How much for a whiskey?” The bartender smiles and says, “For you, no charge.” 
  15. What did the volcano say to his beautiful wife? I lava you!
  16. Why wouldn’t the scientist go into the haunted house? He was too petrified.
  17. What did the quantum physicist say before the bar fight? Let me atom!
  18. What did one ion say to another? I’ve got my ion you.
  19. Black holes: What you get in black socks
  20. How do you know that Saturn has been married multiple times? Because she has a lot of rings!
  21. Why do ants never get sick.? They have little anty bodies.
  22. Why did the chicken cross the road? Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends on your frame of reference.
  23. Why do biologists like to travel? It makes them more cultured.
  24. Y’all want to hear a potassium joke? K.
  25. Why can’t you take electricity to social outings? Because it doesn’t know how to conduct itself.
  26. Two blood cells met and fell in love. Sadly, it was all in vein.
  27. What do you call an organic compound with an attitude? A-mean-o acid
  28. I have a new theory on inertia, but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.
  29. What did the thermometer tell the graduated cylinder? You may have graduated, but I have more degrees.
  30. What do hipster biologists wear? Skinny genes.
  31. What did one tectonic plate say when he bumped into the other? Sorry, my fault! 
  32. Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together? OMg! 
  33. Does anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na.
  34. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No I deer.
  35. What fruit contains Barium and double Sodium atoms? BaNaNa!
  36. Why do chemists like nitrates so much? They’re cheaper than day rates.
  37. What do chemists call a benzene ring where the carbon atoms are replaced with iron atoms? A ferrous wheel
  38. A sign outside the chemistry hotel reads, “Great Day Rates, Even Better NO3-‘s (Nitrates).” 
  39. A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.” 
  40. How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? A very tiny book.
  41. What does the sign at the biology lab say? “Staph only.”
  42. What was the name of the first Electricity Detective? Sherlock Ohms.
  43. Why did Mickey Mouse decide to go to space? To see Pluto!
  44. What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale. 
  45. What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Nothing, they just waved!
  46. What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? Pull down its genes. 
  47. A photon checks into a hotel and how does he reply when asked if he needs any help with his luggage.? “No, I’m traveling light.” 
  48. If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man teamed up, what would that make them? Alloys.
  49. What did the infectious disease say when the bartender refused him service? “You’re not a very good host.”
  50. What did the astronomy department do when they found out their famous professor wouldn’t get the Nobel prize? They gave him a constellation prize.
  51. What did is a nuclear physicist’s favorite snack? Fission chips. 
  52. What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Indian Ocean? “Try and be more pacific.” 
  53. What did the biologist wear to impress his date? Designer genes.
  54. What did the Limestone say to the geologist? Don’t take me for granite!
  55. What is an Astronaut’s favorite key on the keyboard? Space Bar

More Science Jokes (Updated)

  1. How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.
  2. Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!
  3. What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium.
  4. What did the stamen say to the pistil? I like your style!
  5. What type of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms? 2Na!
  6. What do you call an accountant for the biology department? A buy-ologist.
  7. What do you call a FISH with no eyes?A FSH.
  8. How can you know a tree is a dogwood tree? By its bark!
  9. What should you call a pig who knows karate? A porkchop!
  10. What do you call it when a biologist takes a photo of himself? A cell-fie
  11. What kind of hair does the ocean have? Wavy hair
  12. What type of dogs do chemists own? Laboratory Retrievers
  13. What do you call a fly that lands on the butter? A butterfly!
  14. What did one cell tell his sister cell when she stepped on his toe? Ouch! That’s mitosis.
  15. What kinds of books do planets usually like to read? Comet books
  16. How would you be able to cut the sea in half? With a see-saw!
  17. Which type of books are the hardest to get through? Friction books.
  18. What does blood say when it’s trying to be optimistic? B Positive.
  19. What kind of music do planets dance to? Nep-tunes!
  20. Why did Mickey Mouse decided to go to space? He was looking for Pluto.
  21. How much room does fungi need in order to grow? As mushroom as possible.
  22. Why is it so hard to wake up in the morning? That’s because of Newton’s First Law – A body at rest wants to stay at rest.
  23. I was reading a book on helium. I couldn’t put it down.
  24. Meteorologists weigh rainbows and found out they are ‘Pretty Light’!
  25. Neurons that fire together, wire together!
  26. Why is the ocean so salty? Because land never waves back at it!
  27. What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder!
  28. What did the tree wear to the pool party? Swimming Trunks!
  29. What did the science book say to the math book? You have got problems!
  30. Why was bee’s hair sticky? Because it used a honey-comb!
  31. Why did the cloud date the fog? Because he was so down to Earth!
  32. What did the scientist say to the chemist whose lab smelled like eggs? Sorry for your sulfering.
  33. Why did the firefly get bad grades at school? Because it wasn’t very bright!
  34. Why were oxygen, hydrogen, and carbon wearing suits and ties? They were a formyl group.
  35. Want to hear a chemistry pun? I am in my element!
  36. What should you do when no one laughs at your science jokes? Keep trying until you get a ‘reaction’.
  37. How do geologists ask each other out? They say, “Are you a carbon sample? Because I’d love to date you.”
  38. How did the astronaut serve dinner in outer space? On flying saucers!
  39. How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying? You rocket!
  40. What’s a pirate’s favorite element? Aaaaargon
  41. What did the positive charge say to the negative charge after their date? We have potential!
  42. Why do plants hate algebra? It gives them square roots.
  43. Where do astronauts leave their spaceships? At the parking meteors!
  44. What was the first animal to go into space? The cow that jumped over the moon!
  45. Why don’t aliens eat clowns? Because they taste funny!
  46. Why don’t magnets have mates? Because they are polar opposites!
  47. What is Research? Research is what you are doing, when you don’t know what you are doing!
  48. Why did the germ cross the microscope? To get to the other slide!
  49. Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? The food is great but there is no atmosphere!
  50. Where did the chemist have his lunch? On a periodic table.
  51. What runs faster: Hot or Cold? Hot, because you can catch the cold!
  52. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river
  53. How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity? Shocked!
  54. Gold is the best element because it’s AU-some.
  55. Where does criminal light end up?In prism.
  56. I wanted to be an astronaut as a kid. But my parents said ‘Sky is the limit’.
  57. How does the nucleus communicate with the ribosomes? With the cellphone!
  58. What sound does a sub-atomic duck make? A Quark.
  59. What is a rocks favorite cereal to eat? Coco-pebbles!
  60. Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?I t went OK!
  61. What do computers like to eat? Chips!
  62. Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar!
  63. What did the helpless T cell say when facing the infection? Is there antibody out there?
  64. What element derives from a Norse god? Thorium.
  65. Why did the scientist take out his doorbell? He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
  66. What can run, but cannot walk? Water
  67. The proton is not speaking to the other proton; he’s a mad atom!
  68. What do you call a snake that is 3.14 m long? A Pi-thon!
  69. What did one hungry plant say to another? I could use a light snack!
  70. Why did the chemist hang up periodic table posters everywhere? It made him feel like he was in his element.
  71. If you’re not part of the solution—you’re part of the precipitate.
  72. What do trees like to drink? Root-beer!
  73. What do protons and life coaches have in common? They know how to stay positive!
  74. What do you call a clown in jail? A Silicon!
  75. Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled to 40 different countries and learned to speak seven languages? He was a man of many cultures.
  76. What are the primary elements of a sense of humor? Sulfur, Argon, Calcium, and Samarium. Otherwise known as SArCaSm
  77. Want to hear a joke about nitrogen oxide? NO!
  78. What is the least interesting element? Bohrium.
  79. Why is the moon so broke? It’s down to its last quarter.
  80. Why is the spinal column so audacious? Because he’s got nerve!
  81. Why is the dieting advice to “eat light” so dangerous? That’s how you become a black hole.
  82. What is a chemist’s favorite holiday song? Oh Chemist-TREE, oh Chemist-TREE!
  83. What did Donald Duck say in his graduate physics class? Quark, quark, quark!
  84. Which university did the hippopotamus go to study? Hippocampus!
  85. What gas never cries? Nitrous Oxide (Laughing Gas)
  86. The last words of a chemist?… and now for the taste test.
  87. Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution!
  88. Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen? They bonded well from the minute they met.
  89. What do you call a joke that is based on cobalt, radon, and yttrium? CoRnY.
  90. If H2O is the formula for water, then what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed!
  91. All mushrooms are edible. Some are only edible once.
  92. Why didn’t the sun go to graduate school? Because it already had a million degrees!
  93. Two blood cells met and fell in love. Alas, it was all in vein.
  94. Why couldn’t the astronaut book a room on the moon? It was full!
  95. What did one decimal say to the number? Did you get my point?
  96. Why is electricity the perfect student? It conducts itself so well.
  97. Why do quantum physicists make bad pitchers? Because when they find the position, they can’t find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can’t find the position
  98. Chemists are totally wild! Some drop acid and others drop the base.
  99. I’m fascinated by water’s gas form. It mist-ifies me.
  100. A biologist and a physicist got married but got divorced soon after. There was just no chemistry.
  101. What’s the best science? Geology — it rocks!
  102. How do deaf mathematicians communicate? Through sine language.
  103. Why did the chemistry lab blow up? Oxidants happen!
  104. Why did the amoeba cross the road? It was time to split.
  105. What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorus walked into his bar? OH SNaP!
  106. What do you call the leader of a biology gang? The nucleus.
  107. Why did the attacking army use acid? To neutralize the enemy’s base!
  108. Why is quantum mechanics the “original hipster”? It described the universe before it was cool.
  109. Why did the gene crossover? To get to the non-sister homolog!
  110. Did you hear about the neutron who got arrested? He got released without charge.
  111. If you ask a cosmonaut when it is his favorite moment to snack, how does he answer? Launch time.
  112. What’s the difference between a mathematician and a forensic scientist? A mathematician thinks that two points are enough to define a straight line while a forensic scientist wants more data.
  113. How many forensic scientists does it take to change a light bulb? It takes two — one to screw it in and one to check for fingerprints.
  114. Where did the lightning bolt propose to his girlfriend? Cloud nine.
  115. What did the dog say to his owner? My favorite frequency is 50,000 hertz, but you’ve probably never heard of that.
  116. What did the receiver say to the radio wave? Ouch! That megahertz.
  117. Why couldn’t the astronaut focus? He kept spacing out.
  118. What do you call the lights on a lunar rover? Moonbeams
  119. Which stars wear glasses? Movie stars.
  120. What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of Helium? HeHe
  121. How did the computer hacker get out of the jail? He found the escape key!
  122. What did the elements say to hydrogen? What a loner!
  123. Why are astronauts always happy when they are in space? Because there is no gravity to drag them down!
  124. Biologists have discovered legs are hereditary. They run in your jeans!
  125. Who is shorter than a biologist? A Microbiologist!
  126. What was the charge when NACI was arrested? A Salt.
  127. What do you call it when a geologist has to work in a friday night? Gin and Tectonics
  128. What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you
  129. What did the biologist couple name their twins? One was Jessica and the other one was Control
  130. What does an anatomist give you when she is mad? A scowl-ple
  131. Why did the student fail the cadaver lab? She just couldn’t cut it
  132. What does one do with a dead body? Barium in a krypt-on
  133. What do you call a swim team made up of girls named Jennifer? Hygrogens!
  134. What do you call a periodic table with gold missing?Au revoir
  135. Are you a carbon sample? Because I want to date you!
  136. What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together? CSI
  137. Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia? Because it’s pretty basic stuff.
  138. Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it’s in the ground state.
  139. Why did Chlorine’s sisters Boron and Carbon lock her in the closet? Because she was too attractive!
  140. What did one paramecium say to the other paramecium? You’re cilia than me!
  141. What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze.
  142. What do you call a microbiologist that has traveled to every country in the world? A man of many cultures.
  143. What is the chemical name of the following benzene-like molecule? Orthodox
  144. What kind of hair do oceans have? Wavy hair.
  145. Why is the pH of YouTube very stable? Because it constantly buffers.
  146. I lost an electron! Are you positive?
  147. Why does a burger have less energy than a steak? A burger is in its ground state.
  148. What do you call it when your science teacher lowers your grade? Bio-degraded.
  149. What do phlebotomists say before they take your blood? B positive!
  150. Why don’t geologists like scary movies? Because they’re petrified.
  151. Why do researchers look forward to Fridays? They can wear genes to work.
  152. What is a pirate’s favorite amino acid? Arrrginine.
  153. Why is a moon rock tastier than an Earth rock? It’s a little meteor.
  154. How do you know that atoms are Catholic? They have mass.
  155. Why is the mushroom always invited to parties? He’s a fungi.
  156. Why did the hipster chemist get burned? He touched the beaker before it was cool.
  157. Why was the science teacher hesitant to give a lecture on mitosis? It’s a divisive issue.
  158. Why did the two red blood cells break up? Their romance was all in vein.
  159. Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
  160. Did you just mutate for a stop codon? Because you’re talking nonsense!
  161. How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
  162. What did Gregor Mendel say when he founded genetics? Woopea!
  163. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.I wish I was adenine, then I could get paired with U.
  164. Did you hear the one about the recycling triplets? Their names are Polly, Ethel, and Ian.
  165. What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.
  166. What did the conservative biologist say? The only cleavage I want to see is at the cellular level.
  167. What will never go viral no matter how popular they get? Antibiotics.
  168. Why couldn’t the geologist think of the joke? It was on the tip of her tungsten!
  169. Why were oxygen, hydrogen, and carbon wearing suits and ties? They were a formyl group.
  170. Why didn’t we have a bad cold season last year? All the viruses flu away.
  171. Why do bovine veterinarians like to travel? They’re very cultured.

Microbiology or Biology, Anyone?

Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who visited 30 different countries and spoke 6 different languages? He was a man of many cultures! Or how about the High School Biology Teacher who runs into a bank holding a flower? He says, “Everybody on the ground, I have a pistil!” LOL. How about a few science puns? If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate. Did you know that Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division?

How to Crack People Up With Nerdy Jokes

These days we could all use a good laugh, wouldn’t you agree? I recommend sharing these jokes with your favorite science teachers, for starters! Print these off and even add a few of your own to the list and brush up on your pronunciation of some of the really sciency words!

Don’t be like the bartender when the Physicist walked in and asked for a drink…And the bartender replies, sorry pal, we don’t serve quantum mechanics in here.

more Jokes For All Seasons

Thank you for stopping by today! I hope you laughed out loud as you read these jokes and I hope you thought of the punniest people to share them with! We here at Skip to My Lou love to laugh! Here are some more funnies since all the science good ones argon.

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