Physics Jokes

Are you looking for a good laugh? Look no further than this collection of hilarious physics jokes! Whether you’re a Serious Scientist, an Ambitious Astronaut, or simply someone in search of a laugh, this post is sure to have something that tickles your funny bone.

From quips about quantum mechanics to puns about protons, you’re sure to find a joke that will make you chuckle!

Enjoy!

1. Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested? He was released without charge.
2. What did one electron say to the other electron? Don’t get excited. You’ll only get into a state!
3. What did one photon say to the other photon? I’m sick and tired of your interference.
4. What’s a physicist’s favorite snack? Fig Newtons
5. Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it’s in the ground state.
6. How many theoretical physicists does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.
7. What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics? A new-clear physicist.
8. What car brand are pysicists particularly fond of? Volts-wagen.
9. What is better than a physics joke? A meta physics joke.
10. What did the Nuclear Physicist have for lunch? Fission Chips.
11. What did Donald Duck say in his graduate physics class? Quark, quark, quark!
12. What is the name of the first electricity detective? Sherlock Ohms
13. What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics? Oops.
14. Why does a burger have less energy than a steak? Because it’s in its ground state.
15. Why was Heisenberg’s wife unhappy? Because whenever he had the energy, he didn’t have the time.
16. What do you call someone who steals energy from the museum? A Joule thief!
17. Why can’t you trust an atom? They make up everything.
18. What does E = mc2 mean? Energy = milk chocolate squared
19. Where does bad light end up? In prism.
20. Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff? Because that’s where students have the most potential.
21. Why is quantum mechanics the original “original hipster”? It described the universe before it was cool.
22. Did you hear about the physicist who was reading a great book on anti-gravity? He couldn’t put it down.
23. How do you tell the difference between science experiments? If it’s green and wiggles, it’s biology. If it stinks, it’s chemistry. If it doesn’t work, it’s physics.
24. My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0? ”I replied, “y-naught?”
25. What do physicists enjoy doing the most at sporting events? The Wave
26. Two kittens are on a roof. Which one falls off first? The one with the lowest mew.
27. Why is electricity an ideal citizen? Because it conducts itself so well.
28. What did the male magnet say to the female magnet? Seeing you from the back, I thought you were repulsive. But seeing you from the front, I find you rather attractive.
29. Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar!
30. What is blue and smells like red paint? Red paint moving very fast towards you.
31. Why do quantum physicists make bad lovers? Because when they find the position, they can’t find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can’t find the position
32. How many physicists does it take to change a light bulb? Eleven. One to do it and ten to co-author the paper.
33. What did the quantum physicist say before the bar fight? Let me atom!
34. How does a uranium-238 nucleus say goodbye? Gotta split!
35. Have you heard of the physicist who got chilled to absolute zero.He’s 0K now.
36. What is the difference between a quantum theorist and a beauty therapist? The quantum theorist uses Planck’s Constant as a foundation, whereas the beauty therapist uses Max Factor.
37. What did one photon say to another photon? I’m really sick and tired of your interference.
38. What happens when electrons lose their energy? They get Bohr’ed.
39. What do you call 1 kilogram of falling figs? 1 Fig Newton.
40. How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb? None, astronomers prefer the dark.
41. Which books are the hardest to force yourself to read through? Friction books.
42. Did you hear about the bi-curious physicist? She performed a double-slit experiment.
43. Why did the chemist cool himself to -273.15˚C? He wanted to feel 0k?
44. And which books are the easiest to force yourself to read through? Non-friction books.
45. What is an astronomical unit? One hell of a big apartment.
46. What do physicists enjoy doing the most at baseball games? The wave.
47. What do you call scientists who love to study gas laws by drinking soda? Fizz-icists.
48. Why won’t Heisenbergs’ operators live in the suburbs? Because they don’t commute.
49. What do you get when you cross a chicken with a turkey? |chicken|×|turkey|sinθ.
50. Why should you go drinking with neutrons? Wherever they go, there’s no charge.
51. Heisenberg went for a drive and got stopped by a traffic cop. The cop asked, “Do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg replied, “No, but I know where I am.”
52. A photon checks into a hotel. The front desk asks “Do you need help with your luggage? ”The photon replies, “I don’t have any. I’m travelling light.”
53. “I was studying frequency in my physics class. Now my brain Hertz.”
54. My son cheated on his physics test, and he has no idea how much trouble he is in.He doesn’t understand the gravity of the situation.
55. A Higgs Boson walks into church. The priest says, “You can’t come in here, we don’t allow Higgs Bosons.” The Higgs Boson says, “But without me, how can you have mass?”
56. A group of wealthy investors wanted to be able to predict the outcome of a horse race. So they hired a group of biologists, a group of statisticians, and a group of physicists. Each group was given a year to research the issue. After one year, the groups all reported to the investors. The biologists said that they could genetically engineer an unbeatable racehorse, but it would take 200 years and $100bn. The statisticians reported next. They said that they could predict the outcome of any race, at a cost of $100m per race, and they would only be right 10% of the time. Finally, the physicists reported that they could also predict the outcome of any race and that their process was cheap and simple. The investors listened eagerly to this proposal. The head physicist reported, “We have made several simplifying assumptions: first, let each horse be a perfect rolling sphere…”
57. Why did Werner Heisenberg detest driving cars? Because, every time he looked at the speedometer he got lost!
58. The two physics teachers aren’t speaking. Guess there’s a lot of friction between them.
59. During spring break, physics students love going surfing to catch the waves.
60. Renee Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “Sir, can I get you a Martini?” Descartes says, “I don’t think…” and he disappears.
61. Why did Erwin Schrödinger, Paul Dirac and Wolfgang Pauli work in very small garages? Because they were quantum mechanics.
62. What a physicist hears when he watches Star Wars:”May the mass times acceleration be with you!”
63. “I have a new theory on inertia, but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.”
64. How were three graduate physics students able to demonstrated that a human could travel faster than light? The three students went to a store and bought a stop watch and a candle. Then, they proceeded to a high school track field. The first student lit the candle and began to walk around the track. The second student waited a while and then ran after the first student. The third student worked the stop watch because physics experiments require precise measurements. When the second student rounded the track and came in first, the three students concluded that humans could travel faster than light.
65. Physicists never wear black socks. They’re afraid of getting black hole.
66. What is Albert Einstein’s rapper name? MC Squared.
67. A physics professor always made his class sit on the edge of a cliff while they studied. He said that was where they had most potential.
68. What did Issac Newton’s mother say to him after his discovery? Did you wash that apple before eating it?
69. Why can’t you take electricity to a social outing? Because it doesn’t know how to conduct itself.
70. Did you hear they found out who invented string theory? Turns out it was an actual cat.
71. There’s a technique in theoretical physics that models complex systems as spherical cows. The Your Mom approach.
72. Why were the students surprised when they learned about a Time Travel seminar? The pamphlet said that the seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.
73. A subatomic particle sat pulling faces at the wall. It was a strange quark.
74. Why is a physics book always unhappy? Because it has a lot of problems.
75. How did Stephen Hawking get away from an explosion? Esc key.
76. What did the pirates do to prisoners who were good at Physics? They made the physicists walk the Planck.
77. Why is it so hard to wake up in the morning? That’s because of Newton’s First Law – A body at rest wants to stay at rest.
78. What was Schrödinger’s theory about Good Friday? … As long as the tomb is closed. Jesus is both alive and dead.
79. What did Archimedes’s mother say to him after his discovery? Have you lost it running around Syracuse streets naked? And who is this girl Eureka?
80. What’s the difference between chemistry jokes and physics jokes? Chemistry jokes can be funny periodically, but physics jokes have more potential.
81. What is a Physicist’s favorite Netflix show? It’s that new Taylor series.
82. Why do people hate gravity? Its always pulling them down.
83. What did Michael Faraday’s mother say to him after his invention of the cage? Son, all this is fancy but could we live inside it? Just to be safe you know!
84. What would you call a boy band of Thomas Edison, George Westinghouse and Nikola Tesla? AC/DC.
85. Why did James Maxwell watch so much TV? To keep up with current events.
86. What is a Physicist’s favorite sitcom? Big Bang Theory.
87. What did Marie Curie’s husband say to her? Honey, every day you look more radiant.
88. What is a physicist’s favorite candy? E&M.
89. Why did the Physicist change to city water? He got tired of building an infinite square well.
90. Why did Oppenheimer come up with the idea for the atomic bomb? He wanted the world to have a blast.
91. What did Pascal’s friend say to him when he persuaded him to visit his lab? Man, that’s a lot of pressure coming from 1 pascal.
92. What kind of advice did Ohm’s dying uncle give him? “With great power comes great current squared times resistance.”
93. Why was Schrödinger’s cat depressed? Since no one came to her funeral/birthday party.
94. What would physicist Rudolf Clausius name his own daily newspaper? The Uncertain Times.
95. Optical engineer to optics vendor: Do you make aspheric optics? Sleazy optics Vendor: Certainly! All the time!
96. Why did the restaurant at Huntsville didn’t add a 10 per cent service charge? It was owned by a neutron.
97. Why is the black hole the final state for a star? Because once you go black, you never go back.
98. How did I know I was going to be a Theoretical Physicist? My father told me that I was growing up a Feynman.
99. How did the black hole slim down? It ate light.
100. Why are the circular motion problems tough in Physics? They throw the solvers for a loop.

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