Ahoy, mateys! It’s time to get your pirate jokes in gear. Whether you’re looking for a laugh or just want to sound like a pirate, these 100+ jokes are sure to do the trick. So batten down the hatches and prepare to have ye sides split with laughter!

silly cartoon pirate
  1. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank? Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.
  2. Why is pirating so addictive? They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!
  3. How do pirates know that they are pirates? They think, therefore they ARRRR!!!!!
  4. What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea? He got marooned.
  5. How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply? He bought it on sail.
  6. What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes? 8 pirates.
  7. What do ye call a pirate with two eyes and two legs? A rookie.
  8. What did the ocean say to the pirate? Nothing, it just waved.
  9. What’s the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate? One has a rumbling tummy, and the other’s a tumbling rummy.
  10. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they can spend years at C.
  11. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
  12. How much did the pirate pay for his piercings? ‘Bout a Buccaneerrrrr (A buck-an-ear)
  13. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook? An arm and a leg.
  14. Where can ye find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs? Right where ye left him.
  15. How do pirates prefer to communicate? Aye to aye!
  16. How do ye turn a pirate furious? Take away the “p.”
  17. Why did nobody want to play cards with the pirate? Because he was standing on the deck.
  18. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
  19. What does a vegan pirate do in jail? Starrrrrve!
  20. What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet? I, I, R, and the seven C’s!
  21. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise? The plank!
  22. What did the pirate wear on Halloween? A pumpkin patch.
  23. What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school? Captain Hooky!
  24. What did the pirate say when he became an octogenarian? Aye matey years old!
  25. How do you save a dying pirate? CPARRRRR
  26. Why did the pirate go on vacation? He needed a little arrrrg and arrrg
  27. What kind of grades did the pirate get in school? High Cs
  28. Where do pirates keep their valuables? In a jarrrrr
  29. What does the pirate say when his leg gets stuck in the freezer? Shiver me timbers!
  30. Why’d the pirate join Gold’s Gym? To improve his booty.
  31. What’s a pirate’s least favorite veggie? Leeks
  32. Why’d the pirate go to the Apple store? He needed a new ipatch.
  33. What’s a pirate’s favorite exercise? The plank!
  34. What’s the name of the world’s most frugal pirate? Barry D. Treasure
  35. Why does the pirate carry his sword? Because swords can’t walk. Duh.
  36. What’s a pirate use his cell phone for? Booty calls
  37. Where do pirates go for a drink? The sandbar.
  38. What do you call a stupid pirate? The pillage idiot
  39. What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of fish? Swordfish.
  40. Why type of socks do pirates wear? Arrrrgyle.
  41. What did the first mate send down the toilet? The Captain’s log!
  42. What’s a pirate’s worst enemy? Termites.
  43. Why did the pirate cross the road? To get to the second-hand shop.
  44. Why don’t pirates go to strip clubs? Because they already have all the booty!
  45. What do you call a pirate who steals from the rich and gives to the poor? Robin Hook.
  46. What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer? A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.
  47. What do pirates wear when it gets really cold? Long Johns.
  48. How did the pirate call his mate? On his aye phone.
  49. What did the pirate say when he found his wooden leg in the freezer? Shiver me timbers!
  50. What would Santa say if he was a pirate? Yo ho ho ho.
  51. Why did the pirate go on holiday? He was in serious need of some Aaaaaar and Aaaaaaar.
  52. What do you call a pirate who has three eyes? Piiirate.
  53. Where did the pirate purchase his hook? At the 2nd hand store of course.
  54. What is a pirates least favourite letter. Your boat has been impounded due to unpaid loan repayments.
  55. Why do pirates really like pizza? Because it usually comes in pieces o’ eight.
  56. Blackbeards friend Bluebeard was killed in battle, how did he bring him back to life? With Sea Pee Arrrrgh.
  57. Why don’t pirates like spaghetti? Arrgh it scurvy.
  58. Why do pirates never come back after losing a hand? Because they are far too busy playing hooky.
  59. What do pirates like to eat in the the summertime? Barrr-becue.
  60. Why don’t pirates with a hook on the end of their arm like helping others? They find it extremely hard to lend a hand.
  61. Why did the dyslexic baker join the pirate crew passing through town? He thought it was being led by Captain Blackbread.
  62. How do pirates discipline their children? Stern-ly.
  63. What do pirates wear when it gets cold? Arrr-gyle sweaters.
  64. Why are pirates so angry when they come back from the toilet? After the p has gone they become irate.
  65. Why are pirates never cremated when they die? They always bury their booty.
  66. Why did the pirate put a mouldy old piece of fruit on his shoulder? So he could talk to his pear-rot.
  67. Why do you never ever see pirates crying? They like their private-tears.
  68. What do you call a pirate that uses a pumpkin as a belt? A squash buckler.
  69. What do you call a pirates sword that is completely blunt? A cut-less.
  70. What did the pirate say when he did his baby’s gender reveal to his first mate? A boy matey!
  71. Why did the man pirate divorce his woman pirate wife? They were arrrguing too much.
  72. Why do pirates enjoy going to the optometrist? They always get to do an aye exam.
  73. What is a pirates favourite letter of the alphabet? P, because it is like an Arrrr but missing a leg.
  74. What dish do pirates order when they go to the seafood restaurant? Pieces of skate.
  75. Why did the pirate confuse all of his Tinder dates? They couldn’t figure out if he was blinking or winking.
  76. What did the sea say to the pirate? Nothing, it just waved!
  77. Why did two pirates get into an argument? Because they couldn’t see aye to aye!
  78. What’s a pirate’s favourite country? Arrr-gentina!
  79. Why couldn’t the pirate stop binge-watching the TV series? Because he was hooked!
  80. What’s a pirate’s favourite instrument? The guitarrr!
  81. If Apple was a pirate ship, what would their crew wear? An iPatch!
  82. Why are maths teachers secretly pirates? Because they’re always trying to find X!
  83. What type of haircut does a pirate get? A crew cut!
  84. Where are American pirates from? Arrrkansas!
  85. What was the pirate boxer’s biggest strength? His left hook!
  86. Who gets all their movies for free? Pirates!
  87. How do pirates like to cook their steaks? On a BAAAARRRRRBECUE!
  88. Why did the pirate buy an eye patch? Because he couldn’t afford an iPad!
  89. Why does a pirate prefer to drink in a bar that serves rum, instead of gin? Because it has mo’lasses.
  90. What does the pirates say to motivate each other during a race? Rum bottle, RUM!
  91. How much rum does it take to make a pirate drunk? A Galleon.
  92. What kind of grades does a pirate get in school? High seas!
  93. Why did the pirate give up playing golf? Because he kept hooking the ball!
  94. What does the captain keep up his sleevie? His armie.
  95. How does a pirate get to the top of the building? By elevataaaaarrrrrr!!!!!
  96. Where’s a pirate’s favorite place to eat breakfast? IHOP!
  97. Which Star Wars character do pirates like the most? Aarrrrggh-2-D2!
  98. What do pirates do on Black Friday? Shop the sails!
  99. What happened to the pirate when his wooden leg caught fire? He got burned to the ground.
  100. How do pirates make their money? By hook or by crook!
  101. Where do pirates put their weapons? In their enemies.
  102. Where did Bluebeard the pirate get his name? One day, the sea the wind came and blew his beard right off!
silly cartoon parrot with pirate hat

Fun Fact: Did you know International Talk Like a Pirate Day is September 19th?

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