Love Jokes

Love has been a source of humour for as long as it’s been around, and with Valentine’s Day just around the corner, there is no better time to share some of the funniest love jokes out there! Whether you’re in a relationship or single and looking for a laugh, this list of hilarious love jokes will have you (and your significant other) giggling all day long.

What do you call two birds in love?Tweet-hearts.
What did one raspberry say to the other?I love you berry much.
What did one watermelon say to the other?“You’re one in a melon!”
What do you call two ants sharing a slice of pizza in Italy?Romance.
How did the telephone propose to its girlfriend?It gave a ring.
Why did the man accuse his wife of robbery?She stole his heart.
Why shouldn’t you fall in love with a pastry chef?They will dessert you.
Why should you never break up with a soccer player?Because he’s probably a keeper.
Why should you never break up with a goalie?Because he is a keeper.
What did one boat say to the other?Are you up for a little row-mance?
Are you French?Because Eiffel for you.
What did the cat say to her girlfriend?“You’re purrr-fect for me.”
Why should you never date a tennis player?Because love means nothing to them.
What’s the difference between love and marriage?Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
Did you hear about the porcupine who was near-sighted?He fell in love with a pincushion.
What did the patient with the broken leg say to their doctor?Hey doc, I have a crutch on you.
What did the light bulb say to the switch?“You turn me on.”
Why did the baseball player have trouble dating?He always had a hard time getting to first base.
What happens when you fall in love with a chef?You get buttered up.
Why do painters always fall for their models?Because they love them with all of their art.
Why do men like to fall in love at first sight?Because doing so saves them a lot of money.
Why did the angel always wear a bow in her hair?Wearing an arrow would be dangerous.
Are you a camera?Because every time I look at you, I smile.
Are you a cat?Because I’m feline a connection between us.
Can I borrow a kiss from you?I promise you that I will give it back.
What do you call two cupids who fall in love?A match made in heaven.
What did the astronaut’s girlfriend say to him when he proposed in outer-space?“I can’t breathe!”
Why did the lion break up with his girlfriend?Because she was a cheetah.
Are you from Starbucks?Because I like you a latte.
What happened to the two vampires who went on their first date?It was love at first bite!
What kind of architecture makes people fall in love?Heart deco.
What did the hopeless romantic baker say to his dough?I knead you!
What happened when the candle went dating?It found the perfect match.
Have you ever been fishing before?I only ask because I really think that we should hook up.
Why did the soccer player dislike Valentine’s Day?He hated getting red cards.
How do tightrope walkers find romance?Online dating!
What do you say to your single friends on Valentine’s Day?Happy Independence Day!
What did one volcano say to the other volcano?I lava you.
What did the calculator say to the pencil?“You can always count on me!”
What is the difference between love and herpes?Love does not last forever.
What does a ghost call his true love?His ghoul-friend.
What did one light bulb say to the other?I love you watts and watts.
What did the squirrel say to his lover?“I’m nuts about you!”
What did the barista say to his crush?“I like you a latte.”
What did one pig say to the other?Don’t go bacon my heart!
Do you want to know why I plan on no longer using Google anymore?Because after all this time that I have spent searching, I have found the love of my life and it is you.
Why did the melons get married in a church?They cantaloupe.
What’s more romantic than roses on a piano?Tulips on an organ.
What do you get when you kiss a dragon?Burnt lips.
What did the octopus say to its octopus crush?“I wanna hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand.”
Why do night owls enjoy breakups?Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone.
What do you call a colorful heart that loves books?Well read.
Why did the square break up with the circle?She wasn’t edgy enough.
Why didn’t the skeleton send any cards?His heart wasn’t in it.
Why did the banker break up with his girlfriend?He was losing interest.
If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?The swallow.
When one satellite dish falls in love with another, what’s the best part of the wedding?The reception.
How do you get a farm girl to like you?A tractor.
My new girlfriend works at the zoo.She’s a keeper!
What did the snake say to his girlfriend?“Give me a little hiss.”
How do you get a banker to fall in love with you?Pique their interest.
Where do hotdogs take their partners on Valentine’s Day?To the meatball.
How do you know if you’re really in love?You don’t have to hold your farts in anymore.
What’s kind of Valentine’s Day candy never shows up on time?Choco-late
What has wheels and flies but it isn’t an aircraft?A Garbage truck
What do you say about two fish getting married?They made it o-fish-al.
Why are dolphins so confident?They live life with porpoise.
What did Dolly Parton sing to the orca?“I whale always love you.”
Why did the bee not trust her boyfriend?His stories were un-bee-lievable.
I’m in a long distance relationship. My girlfriend is in the future.
I must be a snowflake because I’ve fallen for you.
I’m so glad to have your beards right above my head whenever I’m wrapped in your arms, they give me an opportunity to tender a garden so close to me.
Is your name WI-FI because I’m sensing a strong connection?
If a woman is cold as a fish, a man has to be as patient as a fisherman.
Are you a florist?Because ever since I met you, my life has been rosy.
When you are in love, it is the most glorious two and a half days of one’s entire life.
Do you know why boyfriends are like cars?Because they drive you crazy!
There is a special place where a man can touch a woman that will make her go crazy. Her heart.
What is common between good boyfriends and parking spaces?Both are already taken.
LOVE stands for Loss Of Valuable Energy.
Why did the bartender get back with her boyfriend?Because he kept asking for one more shot.
Our love will never become cold and hollow unless one day you refuse to swallow.
What happens when your boyfriend pokes you in the eye?You stop seeing him for a while.
What’s the difference between a boyfriend watching sports and a couch?Nothing, because they’ve become one with each other.
How do you tell your boyfriend that your relationship isn’t working out?You stop going to the gym with him.
What do you do with a boyfriend that doesn’t understand your fruit puns?You let that man-go.
Why isn’t Spider-Man the perfect boyfriend?Because he’s way too clingy.
What do you say when your boyfriend breaks up with you over video games?It’s a foolish thing to Fallout 4.
What do you do when your boyfriend asks for more space?You lock him out of the house.
How do you end a first date with a boyfriend who’s a butcher?You say, “It was nice to meat you.”
What do you do when your boyfriend keeps acting like a flamingo?You put your foot down.
Why should you never laugh at the choices your girlfriend makes?Because you’re also one of them.
What do you call a pair of fish?Sole-mates.
How do you show your girlfriend who’s the boss of the house?You just hold up a mirror to her face.
What do you call two rabbits in bed?Snuggle-bunnies.
What’s common between a girlfriend and an X-ray machine?Both can see right through you.
What did the detective think when his girlfriend wanted to split up?He thought they could cover more ground that way.
What did one grizzly say to the other?“I’ve bear-ed my soul!”
How do you describe a girlfriend who is the square root of -100?She’s an absolute 10 but entirely imaginary.
What did the deer say to its baby?“I’m fawning over you!”
What do you do if your girlfriend wants diamonds but you’re poor?You gift her a pack of cards.
What did the poodles say to each other after making up?“Life is dog-gone ruff without you.”
What did the Australian zoologist do with his sweetheart?Spend koala-ty time together.
How do bats spend Valentine’s Day?They hang-out with their dates.
What do slugs write on Valentine’s Day cards?They write, “Be my valen-slime?”
What do you call clean music?A soap opera!
What would snoop doggs name be if he married winne da pooh?Snoop doggy dogg POOH
How do you make a tissue dance?Put a lil “BOOGIE” in it????
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?Ten-tickles!
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?To go with the traffic jam.
Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend off the wall?To see her crack.
What are you if can’t decide what kind of pizza to get?You’re indeSLICEsive.
What do you call a baby cub before it starts teething?A gummy bear
What happens when you date a girl whose ex-boyfriend was a clown?You get some big shoes to fill.
When do bees like to get married?When they find their honey.
Which is the best season for bed bugs to get married?The spring.
What do you call a pair of spiders that just tied the knot?Newly-webs.
What did the paper clip say to the magnet?“I find you very attractive.”
Why do light bulbs have happy marriages?Because the sparks keep flying!
Are we subatomic particles because I feel a strong force between the two of us?
What do you call marriage between two Russians?A Soviet Union.
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer.I said, “No, wait! I can change!”
What do you give a sick lemon?Lemon aid!
What does a baby computer call his father?Data!
My girlfriend left me because she couldn’t handle my OCD.I told her to close the door five times on her way out.
I’m pretending to be a hottie on Tindr so I can match with my roommate and tell him I’m coming over.Hoping he’ll clean the apartment.
My girlfriend say, “You act like a detective too much. I want split up.”I said, “Good idea. We can cover more ground that way.”
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and me together.
I told my boyfriend to text me when he got home.He must be homeless.
Why do brides cry at their wedding?Because they can’t marry the best man.
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are.But, I laugh more.
My friends laughed at me when I said I had a hot date and said that she was imaginary.The joke is on them, though. They’re imaginary, too.
Never laugh at your SO’s choices.You are one.
What kind of tree can fit into your hand?A palm tree!
A wife asks her husband, “How would you describe me?”He replies, “ABCDEFGHIJK.” The confused wife asks, “What does that mean?” Her husband replies, “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.” The wife says, “Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?” “I’m just kidding!”
If I ever have a heart transplant, I’d want my ex’s.It’s never been used.
This man was really lonely, so he posted an ad on a popular website. The ad said, simply: “Wife wanted.” He was surprised the next morning to find he had over a hundred replies in his inbox. Unfortunately, they all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
My girlfriend say, “You act like a detective too much. I want split up.”I said, “Good idea. We can cover more ground that way.”
My seatmate on a flight was a woman. Ever the charmer, I asked, “Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?” “Yes,” she said, “but I wasn’t willing to pay.”

Thousands More Jokes For Any Occasion

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