Jokes for the 4th of July

It’s the 4th of July! A time to celebrate our nation’s great history, eat hot dogs and spend the night watching the fireworks. Why not add some fun jokes to the mix too? Here are our favorite jokes for the 4th of July, all family-friendly!

1. What is the best sport to play on July 4th? Flag football.
2. Where is the capital in Washington, D.C.? At the beginning.
3. Does Europe have a 4th of July? Yes, it does. It comes right after the 3rd of July.
4. What did the ghost say on the 4th of July? Red, white, and boo!
5. How come there aren’t any knock-knock jokes about America? Because freedom rings.
6. What did George Washington say to his men before they crossed the Delaware? “Get in the boat, men!”
7. What did the tourists say when they left the Statue of Liberty? Keep in torch!
8. What kind of tea did the American colonists want? Liber-tea.
9. What do you call an American drawing? Yankee doodle!
10. What’s red, white, black, and blue? Uncle Sam after a boxing match.
11. What’s the difference between a duck and George Washington? One has a bill on his face, and the other has his face on a bill.
12. What was the patriots’ favorite food in the Revolutionary War? Chicken Catch-a-Tory!
13. Who has to work on the 4th of July? Fire works.
14. What did the colonists wear to the Boston Tea Party? Tea-shirts.
15. What does Polly the parrot want for the 4th of July? A fire cracker.
16. Why were the ducks happy about the 4th of July celebrations? Because there were fire-quackers.
17. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? On the bottom of the page.
18. What was George Washington’s favorite tree? The infantry.
19. Why does the Liberty Bell look like a dropped Easter egg? Because they’re both cracked.
20. What is the firecracker’s favorite snack? Pop-sicles.
21. What did the firecracker eat at the movies? Pop-corn.
22. What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed? The Fodder of Our Country!
23. Do you know why fire doesn’t enjoy a day off on the 4th of July but some people do? Because fire works on the 4th of July.
24. What happens when dinosaurs light the fireworks? You get a dino-mite.
25. Why couldn’t George Washington fall asleep? Because he couldn’t lie.
26. What was the most popular dance in 1776? Indepen-dance.
27. Have you heard about the angry firecracker? He was so mad that he exploded!
28. What do you consume on the 5th of July? An independence-day old pizza.
29. What ghost haunted King George III? The spirit of ’76!
30. What was General Washington’s favorite type of tree? The infantree.
31. Why do Americans celebrate Independence Day on the 4th of July? Because it’s the day Will Smith saved the Earth from the aliens.
32. What do our flag and a sad candy cane have in common? They’re both red, white, and blue.
33. Who told the most jokes among the colonists? The Punsylvanians!
34. Why is America happy on July 4th? Because it got a divorce from Britain.
35. Which flag is the most highly rated? The American flag. It has 50 stars.
36. Who was the biggest jokester in George Washington’s army? Laughayette.
37. Who are the only ones that can not take a leave on the 4th of July? Fireworks.
38. Which Founding Father is a dog’s favorite? Bone Franklin.
39. Was the Declaration of Independence written in Philadelphia? No, it was written in ink.
40. Why did Paul Revere ride from Boston to Lexington on his horse? It is simply because the horse was too heavy to carry.
41. Why is Abraham Lincoln considered the least guilty American President? Because he is in a cent.
42. What did King George think of the American colonists? He thought they were revolting.
43. Why were the first Americans like ants? They lived in colonies.
44. What was the firecracker’s response to the fuse? Let’s get together and “pop it like it’s hot,” as the saying goes.
45. Why was hunting eagles banned in America? Because it was ill-eagle.
46. How did the Boston colonists’ dogs protest against England? The Boston flea party.
47. What did a patriot put on his dry skin? Revo-lotion!
48. For what reason did the British soldiers wear red coat? So that they could hide in the tomatoes.
49. What’s red, white, blue, and green? A patriotic turtle.
50. What did the little firecracker say to the bigger firecracker? Hi, Pop!
51. What will happen when you cross George Washington with a cattle feeder? Fodder of our Country.
52. What happens if something goes wrong at Mt. Rushmore on the 4th of July? A monumental disaster.
53. What did the lightning say to the fireworks? You stole my thunder!
54. What is red, white, blue, and green? A seasick Uncle Sam.
55. After the Stamp Act was signed, what happened next? The Americans kicked the British.
56. Where do American soldiers go to get a haircut? They go to the Hair Force.
57. Why should you research fireworks before purchasing them? To get the most bang for your buck.
58. What do the moon and the Founding Fathers have in common? Both have been through revolution.
59. What is the weight of freedom? A washing-ton.
60. What happened when the Declaration of Independence was kept in the National Museum? It became the decoration of Independence.
61. What did Luke Skywalker say on the 4th of July? May the fourth be with you!
62. What do Santa Claus and a flag have in common? They both hang out at the pole.
63. What did Thomas Jefferson do before signing the Declaration of Independence? He did a pre-ramble.
64. What do you get when you cross Captain America with the Incredible Hulk? The star-spangled banner.
65. What is the smartest state in America? The State of Alabama. It consists of four As and one B.
66. What rock group has four members who just stay still and never sing? Mount Rushmore.
67. What was the wildest battle of the Revolutionary War? The Battle of Bonkers Hill.
68. What store did George Washington buy his hatchet from? He got it from a chopping mall.
69. What do you do call the patriotic zombies who are trained in combat? Marine Corpse.
70. How do you refer to a dog that fights for freedom and serves as a protective symbol? A revolutionary war-dog.
71. What do you call an American who eats pastries on the 4th of July? A pastry-otic.
72. In what ways does a healthy person resemble the United States of America? They have both good constitutions.
73. What do the dogs do on the night of 4th July? They go to the bone-fire.
74. What do you call a duck who betrays his flock? Bene-duck-t Arnold.
75. Where would you look if you want to find T? In the Boston harbor.
76. What would happen if you crossed Washington’s house with a swarm of nasty insects? Mt. Vermin
77. What has four legs, a very shiny nose, and has fought for the England? Rudolph the Redcoat Reindeer!
78. Who loves singing the patriotic song that starts with, “Oh say, can you see?” An optometrist
79. What is the name of the cat who said, “The British are coming! The British are coming!”? Paw Revere.
80. What dessert did Thomas Jefferson enjoy the most? Monti-jello.
81. What is large, cracked, and transports your luggage? The Liberty Bellhop!
82. How do pandas manage to stay cool during Independence Day? They use bear conditioning
83. How do you start the 4th of July parade in the ghetto? Roll a 40 down the street.
84. What did one flag say to the other flag? Nothing. It just waved.
85. What do Americans do over the Fourth of July weekend? Get stuck in traffic.
86. What bugs will show up at your Fourth of July picnic? Independ-ants.
87. How was the Fourth of July picnic? The hot dogs were OK, but the brats were the wurst.
88. What song never stops playing on the Fourth of July? Stars and Stripes Forever
89. Where did George Washington keep his armies? In his sleevies.
90. Really, how’s the fireworks business going? Sales are skyrocketing.

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