Corny Jokes

Are you looking for a good laugh? Look no further than this list of corny jokes! Whether you’re searching for the perfect joke to tell at a party or just need something to lighten up your day, this list of corny jokes is guaranteed to deliver.

How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face!
Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
What would bears be without bees? Ears.
Why didn’t the skeleton get a prom date? He didn’t have the guts to ask anyone.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick
!What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
What did the horse say after it tripped? Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
Why did the bike fall over? It was two tired.
What did the policeman say to his belly? You’re under a vest.
Why do melons have weddings? They cantaloupe.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
Why do the seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels.
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
What do you call a well-balanced horse? Stable.
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse.
Why is grass so dangerous? It’s full of blades.
Why did the photo go to jail? It was framed.
What do you call an angry carrot? A steamed veggie.
Why did the man get hit by a bike every day? He was stuck in a vicious cycle.
How did the two cats end their fight? They hissed and made up.
What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes.
Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
Where do polar bears keep their money? In a snowbank.
What did the bartender say to the turkey sandwich when it tried to order a beer? “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
What do elf’s learn in school? The elf-abet.
Why did the baby strawberry cry? His parents were in a jam.
How do you make an egg-roll? You push it!
What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.
Why do people say “break a leg” when you go on stage ?Because every play has a cast.
What wears a cap but doesn’t have a head? A water bottle!
What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear? 14 carrot gold.
What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-ntain.
What do you call an alligator detective? An investi-gator.
What’s black and white and read all over? A newspaper!
What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satis-factory.
Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
What kind of ghost has the best hearing? The eeriest.
What do runners eat before a race? Nothing they fast!
Why couldn’t the sailor learn his alphabet? He kept getting lost at C.
What did the triangle say to the circle? You’re pointless.
How did the dead brother and his dead brother resemble each other? They were dead ringers.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? She will let it go!
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits.
Where was King David’s temple located? Beside his ear.
Why are there gates around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in.
Why did the ball leave the party early? He was on a roll!
What do cows most like to read? Cattle-logs.
What did one toilet say to another? You look flushed.
Where can you buy soup in bulk? The stock market.
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine? Give me my quarterback!
What do you call an unpredictable camera? A loose Canon.
What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get? Mistle-toes.
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? There are too many cheetahs!
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
What does corn say when it gets a compliment? Aw, shucks!
What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her? Namaste.
How do you ask out a baker? Bring them flours.
Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Then it’d be a foot.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
How do you tell if a vampire is sick? See if he is coffin.
Why did the student eat his homework? He was told it’d be a piece of cake
How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What do you call fake spaghetti? An im-pasta.
Did you hear about two guys who stole a calendar? I heard they both got six months!
What does the dentist of the year get? A little plaque.
What do sprinters eat before they race? Nothing. They fast.
Why did the farmer win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
Why did Mickey Mouse go to space? He wanted to find Pluto!
What has more lives than a cat? A frog, because it croaks every day.
When do computers overheat? When they need to vent.
What do you call a coffee robbery? A mugging!
Why was the fish’s grades bad? They were below sea level.
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
Where did Captain Hook but his hook? The second-hand store.
How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? By the bark.
What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? Ketchup.
What do you call a factory that sells good products? A satis-factory.
How did the rabbit feel after winning the lottery? Super hoppy!
Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle? Because he’s always lion.
How do rabbits travel? By hareplanes.
Why should you never fight a dinosaur? You’ll get jurasskicked!
How do snails fight? They slug it out.
What did one wall say to the other? “I’ll meet you at the corner.”
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii? Or is it just a low ha?
Which bear is the most condescending? A pan-duh!
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose? Ham boogers!
What do you call a sad strawberry ?A blue berry!
How do you get a country girl’s attention? A-tractor.
What do cows read the most? Cattle-logs.
Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi.
Why was the ocean upset? It felt a little crabby.
Why can’t you trust duck doctors? They’re all quacks.
What do clouds wear under their shorts? Thunder pants!
Have you heard about the corduroy pillow? It’s making headlines!
What did the woman say when all her lamps were stolen? Nothing, she was delighted!
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands.
What was the frog’s job at the hotel? Bellhop.
Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators? It lifts their spirits!
What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear.
What did the drummer name her twin daughters? Anna 1, Anna 2.
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore.
How do you put an alien baby to sleep? You rocket.
Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web.
What did the lettuce say to the celery? Quit stalking me!
Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? For drizzle!
Why did the pie go to the dentist? To get a filling!
Why was the ghost so tired? He worked the graveyard shift.
What’s small and red and has a rough voice? A hoarse raddish!
Why did the restaurant hire a pig? He was good at bacon.
Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!
How does a duck buy lipstick? She just puts it on her bill.
Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties? Because they are such fungis.
Why are the Irish so wealthy? Because their capital is Dublin.
Did you know that alligators can grow up to 15 feet? Well, I didn’t they usually only have 4!
Which school subject was the witch’s favorite? Spelling.
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield? Too many ears.
What’s that restaurant on the moon like? It doesn’t have atmosphere.
Why did the cucumber call 911? He was in a pickle!
What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody Knows.
What kind of cheese isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
What’s the best way to burn 1,000 calories? Leave the pizza in the oven.
What did the nut say to the other nut in a game of tag? Imma cashew!
What do you call a blind dinosaur? A do-you-think-he-saw-us.
What do you call a priest who becomes a lawyer? A father-in-law.
What does a spy do when he is cold? He goes undercover.
Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They crack up too easily.
Why didn’t the lightbulb eat a lot? He wanted a light supper!
When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.
Why do cows have hooves and not feet? They lactose.
Why don’t you buy things with Velcro? It’s a rip-off.
How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso.
Why did the robber jump in the shower? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
What do you call a shaker cow? Beef jerky!
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring.
What do you call a snobby criminal going down the stairs? A con descending.
Why does Waldo only wear striped shirts? He doesn’t want to be spotted.
What did the cucumber say to the pickle? You mean a great dill to me.
What do you call a row of rabbits hopping away? A receding hare line.
What did the pig say when it was hot outside? I’m bacon out here!
Why do pancakes always win at baseball? They have the best batter.
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to go spreading it!
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What rock group has four men that don’t sing? Mount Rushmore!
Why couldn’t the couple get married at the library? It was all booked up.
What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum? He has a meltdown.
Why did the kid stock up on yeast? He wanted to make some dough.
What do you call an American bee? USB!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data.
What goes up and down but doesn’t move? Stairs.
What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality.
What do you call a belt with a clock on it? A waist of time!
Why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house? The ghosts bring all the boos.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because he felt crumby.
What kind of shoes do robbers wear? Sneakers.
What do you call a chicken that is staring at a lettuce? Chicken sees a salad.
Where do pirates get their hooks? Second hand stores.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
What do you call a man that irons clothes? Iron Man.
Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have anty bodies!
What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable.
What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he was fired? Oh snap.
What flower do you have between your nose and chin? Two lips!
What’s a lawyer’s favorite drink? Subpoena colada.
Where does the electric cord go to shop? An outlet mall.
What do you call when a cow jumps on a trampoline? A milkshake!
What do you call a magician that looses his magic? Ian.
Why are frogs are so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
What’s the world’s tallest building? A library because it has the most stories!
Why should you always knock on a refrigerator door before opening it? In case there’s a salad dressing.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato!
What kind of mistakes do ghosts make? Boo-boos!
Why won’t swords ever become obsolete? They’re cutting edge technology.
What do you call banana peel shoes? Slippers.
What is brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre…
Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? It’s too time-consuming.
Why was the student’s report card wet? His grades were below c-level.
Why is it a bad idea to iron your four-leaf clover? You shouldn’t press your luck.
What has four wheels and ﬂies? A garbage truck.
What tree gives the best high-fives? A PALM tree!
How do you start a teddy bear race? Ready, teddy, GO!

Thousands More Jokes For Any Occasion

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