90+ Wacky. Work Jokes

Jokes about work are some of the most popular types of humor out there. In fact, work jokes can be downright hilarious and a great way to laugh your way through your day!

All the best WORK Jokes

1. How do you tell if an accountant is an extrovert? If he looks at your shoes when he talks to you instead of his own.
2. What’s the best thing about teamwork? Someone else to blame.
3. What kind of award does the world’s top dentist get? A little plaque.
4. How does NASA organize a party? They planet.
5. What’s it called when you steal somebody’s coffee? A mugging.
6. Why do I drink coffee? I like to do stupid things faster and with more energy.
7. What does a baby computer call his father? Data
8. Learn to spell… AutoCorrect isn’t always write.  
9. What’s the best way to make a small fortune in the stock market? Start off with a big fortune.
10. Why did the computer sneeze? It had a virus.
11. What does a gossiping coffee do? Spill the beans.
12. What’s the difference between Black Eyed Peas and Chick Peas? Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song. Chick Peas can hummus one. 
13. What’s Forrest Gump’s password. 1Forrest1.
14. Why is cold water so insecure? It’s never been called hot.
15. Why can you never trust spiders? Because they post stuff on the web.
16. What is an alien’s favorite place on a computer? The space bar.
17. Did you know that Davy Crockett had three ears?  His left ear, his right ear, and his wild frontier.
18. What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper.
19. How does a coffee snob take their coffee? Seriously. Very seriously.
20. A lawyer told a judge, “My client is trapped inside a penny.” The judge said, “What?” The lawyer said, “He’s in a cent.” 
21. What did the fried rice say to the shrimp?  Don’t wok away from me!
22. Boss told me that as a security guard, it’s my job to watch the office. I’m on season 6, but I’m not sure what it’s got to do with security. 
23. The CEO of Ikea was appointed Prime Minister of Sweden. He’s currently assembling his cabinet.
24. How many computer programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, that’s a hardware issue.
25. My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job. I’m still employed. I just can’t remember where.
26. Some people say the glass is half full. Some people say the glass is half empty. Engineers say the glass is twice as big as necessary.
27. I asked the corporate wellness officer, “Can you teach me yoga?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
28. My boss says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
29. The reason we “nod off to sleep” is so it looks like we’re just emphatically agreeing with everything when we’re in a boring meeting.
30. When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.
31. I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
32. Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.
33. I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
34. I always tell new hires, don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you.
35. My resumé is just a list of things I hope you never ask me to do.
36. The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to upset you.
37. There is a new trend in our office; everyone is putting names on their food. I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named Kevin.
38. My annual performance review says I lack “passion and intensity.” I guess management hasn’t seen me alone with a Big Mac.
39. Who wins in a fight between Sunday and Monday? Sunday, because Monday is a weekday.
40. How do construction workers party? They raise the roof!
41. What is the best way to criticize your boss? Very quietly, so he cannot hear you.
42. What’s the difference between a lawyer and God? God doesn’t think he’s a lawyer.
43. How can you tell if you’ve found a good tax accountant? If he has a loophole named after him.
44. What do you call a joke that isn’t funny? A sentence.
45. What did the full glass say to the empty glass? “You look drunk.”
46. Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory? They took a day off.
47. Why are chemists great at solving problems? Because they have all the solutions
48. Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? Fo drizzle.
49. What’s the opposite of artificial intelligence? Natural stupidity.
50. Have you heard about the guy who stole the calendar? He got 12 months!
51. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.
52. Where do computers go to dance? The disk-o
53. All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
54. You know what they say about a clean desk: It’s a sure sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
55. I gave up my seat to an elderly person on the bus. And that’s how I lost my job as a bus driver.
56. Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me 20 minutes to shuffle the cards for Solitaire.
57. I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!
58. What do you call stealing ideas from many? Research.
59. What do you call 12 people doing the work of one? A committee.
60. What’s the problem with unemployment jokes? None of them work.
61. I got a job at a paperless office. Everything was great until I needed to use the bathroom.
62. My boss wanted me to start our work presentation with a joke. So I used my paycheck as the first slide.
63. What did the employee do when the boss said to have a good day? Went home.
64. What did the supervisor say to the calendar? Your days are numbered.
65. My boss told me “dream on” when I asked if I could come into work late tomorrow. I’m looking forward to it!
66. When I stand around and do nothing, I’m lazy. When my boss stands around and does nothing, he gets paid for it!
67. What do you call someone who doesn’t like carbs? Lack-Toast Intolerant.
68. Why should you never fall in love with a tennis player? Because to them… love means NOTHING!
69. Why did the woman go on the date with the mushroom? Because he was a fun-ghi.
70. What do they call the boss at Old McDonald’s farm?C-I-E-I-O.
71. The first five days after the weekend are the hardest.
72. What do you call someone who is happy on Mondays? Unemployed.
73. Did you know that a day on the planet Mercury lasts 1407.5 hours? That’s like one Monday!
74. Wanna hear a one-word scary story? Monday.
75. What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeńo business.
76. Why did the scarecrow get promoted? Because he was out standing in his field!
77. What do you call a day that’s not serious about anything? Casual Friday.
78. What’s the one thing that’s better than a Friday night? A day off on Monday.
79. I’m great at multitasking on Friday afternoons. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
80. The biggest lie I tell myself every week is that I’ll be productive on Fridays.
81. Whenever I feel sad in the middle of the week, I remember that the calendar says WTF: wait ‘til Friday.
82. What do you call a dog that’s been run over by a steamroller? Spot!
83. If Bert Newton was a butcher…how would he introduce his wife? Meat Patty!
84. What did the Iceberg say to the Romaine on Friday? Lettuce celebrate!
85. What did the horse get for Black Friday? A Macintosh.
86. What is the greatest gift Friday can give? Weekend vibes.
87. Why does a Chicken Coop only have two doors? Because if it had four, it’d be a Chicken Sedan!
88. What’s the difference between a well-dressed cyclist and a scruffy guy on a tricycle? A tire.
89. Working from home means wearing the same sweatpants as yesterday, and no one can do anything to stop me.
90. What does a mathematician say when something goes wrong? Figures!
91. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.
92. Why is a doctor always calm? Because she has a lot of patients.
93. Why did the taxi driver get fired? Passengers didn’t like it when he went the extra mile.
94. What do you call a factory that manufactures products that are fine? A satis-factory.
95. Wear a mask if you’re working on a desktop or laptop. You wouldn’t want to catch one of those computer viruses. 
96. The housecleaner said she would start working from home, so she sent me a list of chores to do.
97. Work is really interfering with my enjoyment of working from home.
98. I don’t work well under pressure. Or any other circumstance.
99. What did the nearsighted optometrist say when he was sick? I can’t see myself coming in today.
100. Why are fewer people going into archeology? Career advancement is in ruins.
101. Why did the developer go broke? Because he used up all his cache.
102. Why did she quit her job at the helium factory? She refused to be talked to in that voice.
103. Why it is hard for a communist to tell a joke? It’s not funny until everyone gets it.

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