101+ of the Best Golf Jokes

Golf isn’t all about serious business – it’s also a game that lends itself to some hilarious jokes.

Golf is a game that can be enjoyed by people of all ages and abilities. It’s a great way to get outside and spend some time with friends, and it’s also a challenging sport that can provide plenty of competition. But if you’re looking for a few laughs, check out this collection of the funniest golf jokes around. You’re sure to enjoy them!

ENJOY ALL the best GOLF Jokes

1. What should you do if your round of golf is interrupted by a lightning storm? Walk around holding your 1-iron above your head, because even Mother Nature can’t hit a 1-iron.
2. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly… or start cheating.
3. What’s the easiest shot in golf? Your fourth putt.
4. Where can you find 100 doctors all at the same place on any given day? A golf course!
5. What is the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? When a golfer lies, he doesn’t have to bring anything home to prove it.
6. Why do golfers hate cake? Because they might get a slice.
7. I shot one under at golf today. One under a tree, one under a bush and one under the water.
8. Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white, they’re sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy some more.
9. When is it too wet to play golf? When your golf cart capsizes.
10. Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken.
11. One day a player asked his coach: “What is going wrong with my game?” “You’re standing too close to the ball after you’ve hit it.”
12. Why do golf pros tell you to keep your head down during lessons? So you can’t see them laughing.
13. What is a golfer’s favorite bird? Any birdie will do.
14. Did you hear about the two guys that met on the golf course? It was the beginning of a beautiful friend-chip.
15. How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? Fore.
16. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball caught in the rough? Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball.
17. Why do golfers always carry a spare pair of trousers with them? In case they get a hole in one.
18. What is a golfer’s worst nightmare? The Bogeyman.
19. What are a golfer’s favorite flowers? Fore-get Me Nots.
20. Why did the golfer have to change his socks? Because he had a hole in one.
21. Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? Clubbing.
22. What is a golfer’s favorite dance move? The Bogey.
23. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? He was perfecting his swing.
24. “What did you get on your last hole?” “Depressed.”
25. Why didn’t the golfer get his homework done? He was puttering around.
26. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.
27. Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot, rarely make the perfect shot.
28. Have you ever wondered how the moon got craters? Three words: Chuck Norris golfing.
29. Where do ghouls and ghosts play their golf? On a golf corpse.
30. Why does Sir-Mix-a-Lot always chip the ball away from the flagstick? He likes big putts and he cannot lie.
31. What does a golfer like to hear from his wife? “Talk birdie to me.”
32. What do you call a wizard that can turn himself into a golf club? Harry Putter.
33. What do golfers do on their days off? Putter around.
34. Why does the golf pro tell you to keep your head down during lessons? So you can’t see them laughing.
35. What are the primary components of a golfer’s diet? A lot of greens and water.
36. Why was Cinderella such a terrible golfer? Her coach was a pumpkin.
37. What do you call a monkey who wins the Masters? The chimpion!
38. What should NASA do if it wants to explore water on Mars? Send a golfer there to hit a golf ball.
39. Why do golf announcers whisper? Because they don’t want to wake up the people watching.
40. Which actress is incredible at golf? Minnie Driver.
41. What did Nat King Cole sing after he won a round of golf? Un-fore-gettable, in every way.
42. What did the driver yell at the golf cart that cut him off? Kiss my putt.
43. What did the sign above the golf club bar say? “Don’t drink and drive. Don’t even putt.”
44. What’s the difference between a rock climber and a golfer? A golfer goes: whack! “Shit!” A climber goes: “Shit!” whack!
45. Why didn’t the golfer say anything before he hit the ball off the tee? He was at a loss fore words.
46. What do you call a really friendly golfer? A social putterfly.
47. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it’s always possible to get worse.
48. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early.
49. The only thing that causes more cheating than golf is income taxes.
50. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.
51. Are you sure you aren’t all four majors? Because you’d be a grand slam!
52. If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle.
53. What’s one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? Go back in time and start playing at a younger age.
54. In golf, you can hit a 2-acre fairway 10-percent of the time, but hit a 2-inch branch 90-percent of the time.
55. What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? “Tryna catch me ridin’ birdie!”
56. The game of golf is 90-percent mental and 10-percent mental.
57. Why don’t grasshoppers play golf? They like cricket better.
58. Golfer: The doctor says I can’t play golf. Caddie: Oh, he’s played with you, too, eh?
59. Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? All the fans are gone!
60. Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? All of them…. the flag can’t jump…
61. Why are computers such naturally good golfers? They have a hard drive.
62. The problem with your game is your loft. My loft? Lack Of Freaking Talent.
63. I’m not over the hill. I’m just on the back nine.
64. What did the golfer say to the hip-hop dancer? Every day I’m Schauffele.
65. Golfers aren’t happy unless they’re teed off!
66. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? He always puts his driver in the wrong bag.
67. What do you call a lion playing golf? Roarin’ Mcllroy
68. Did you hear that Subway is opening a mini-golf course at some of their restaurants? I tried it out, but it wasn’t very good. It was sub-par.
69. Who’s the best person at the golf course to get to make coffee? The groundskeeper!
70. I’m not a bad putter, I just can’t catch a break.
71. How’s golf like fishing? Both mysteriously encourage exaggeration.
72. What type of golf game did the fur traders play in the old days? A skins match.
73. Are you a scratch golfer? Yes I sure am, after each shot I scratch my head and wonder where my ball went.
74. You made an 11 on a par 3? How on earth did that happen? I chipped in from the rough.
75. Bad at golf? Join the club.
76. What did Obi Wan say to Luke Skywalker before he went out for his round of golf? May the fores be with you Luke.
77. You spend too much time thinking about golf! Do you even remember the day we got married? Of course I do! It was the same day I sank that 45-foot putt.
78. A golfer is standing at a tee overlooking a river. He sees a couple of fishermen and says to his partner, “Look at those two idiots fishing in the rain.”
79. How do you like my game? Oh, it’s a great game, but personally, I prefer golf.
80. If you golf on election day, make sure to cast an absent-tee-ballot.
81. It’s not your fault you missed that shot. It must have been the crap attached to the end of your club.
82. What is the easiest way to hook a ball? Try to slice it
83. Why couldn’t Cinderella play golf? Because she always runs away from the ball
84. What did one golf ball say to another golf ball? See you round
85. Where do golfers go on their date? The golf ball
86. Why couldn’t Tiger listen to music? Because he broke all of the records
87. Why isn’t golf played in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs
88. You think my golfing is improving? Yes, you miss a lot closer now
89. What’s a golfer’s favorite letter? Tee.
90. It takes fore golfers to change a lightbulb.
91. Golf is what you play when you’re too out of shape to play softball.
92. The only thing that causes more cheating than golf is income taxes.
93. Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.
94. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.
95. Why did Hitler stop playing Golf? He kept getting stuck in the Bunker
96. A hacker was playing so badly that his caddie was getting increasingly exasperated. On the 11th, his ball lay about 160 yards from the green and as he eyed up the shot, he asked his caddie, “Do you think I can get there with a 4-iron?” “Eventually,” replied the caddie, wearily.
97. A guy on vacation finishes his round, goes into the clubhouse. The head pro says, “Did you have a good time out there?” The man replied, “Fabulous, thank you.” “You’re welcome,” said the pro. “How did you find the greens?” Said the man: “Easy. I just walked to the end of the fairways and there they were!”
98. Golfer to caddie: “Why do you keep looking at your watch? I find it very distracting.” Caddie: “It’s not a watch, sir – it’s a compass.”
99. The problem with slow groups is that they are always in front of you, and the fast groups are always behind you.
100. There’s no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.
101. Golf is a lot like taxes… you go for the green and come out in the hole.
102. The man who takes up golf to get his mind off his work soon takes up work to get his mind off golf.

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