101 Vampire Jokes for Kids: Funny Puns, Riddles, and Printable Joke Cards

Looking for funny vampire jokes for kids? These clean vampire jokes, puns, riddles, and knock knock jokes are perfect for Halloween parties, lunch box notes, classroom fun, and spooky family laughs.

Grab some garlic bread and get ready for a fang-tastic list of vampire jokes that don’t suck!

Funny Vampire Jokes for Kids

1. Why is Dracula so easy to trick?
   Because he is a sucker.
2. What is a vampire’s favorite holiday?
   Fangs-giving.
3. How can you tell a vampire likes baseball?
   Every night he turns into a bat.
4. What did the polite vampire say?
   Fang you very much!
5. Why did the vampire go to school?
   To learn the alphabat.
6. What happens when vampires get mad?
   Their blood boils.
7. How do vampires flirt?
   They bat their eyes.
8. What do vampires like to drink in the summer?
   Neck-tarine juice.
9. How do vampires travel from coast to coast?
   In a blood vessel.
10. How are vampires like false teeth?
    They both come out at night.
11. What do you call vampire siblings?
    Blood brothers.
12. How do vampires get to Transylvania?
    By scare-plane.
13. What do vampires use to power their flashlights?
    Bat-teries.
14. Why don’t vampires get invited to parties?
    They are a pain in the neck.
15. Why did Count Dracula hire an assistant?
    To help with all his fang mail.
16. Why did the vampire go to the salon?
    He was having a bat hair day.
17. Why do vampires avoid the cold?
    They don’t want frostbite.
18. How do vampires predict the future?
    They check their horror-scope.
19. Where do vampires go to swim?
    The Dead Sea.
20. Why aren’t vampires very self aware?
    They can’t reflect.
21. What is a vampire’s favorite part of the guitar?
    The neck.
22. What is a vampire’s favorite basketball game?
    Casketball.
23. What kind of rocks do vampires collect?
    Tombstones.
24. How do vampires make cookies?
    In bat-ches.
25. Why did the vampire go to the doctor?
    He was coffin.
26. Why don’t people like cranky vampires?
    They have bat tempers.
27. Where do vampires take a bath?
    In the bat-room.
28. What do you call a vampire on sale?
    A dis-Count Dracula.
29. How do vampires stay cool in the summer?
    They use scare-conditioning.
30. How do you stop a vampire at an Italian restaurant?
    Use garlic bread.
31. Who is a vampire’s favorite superhero?
    Batman, of course.
32. What do you get if you cross a vampire with a computer?
    Love at first byte.
33. What do you call a vampire who went to the beach during the day?
    Ash.
34. Where do vampires live?
    On a dead-end street.
35. What is a vampire’s least favorite song?
    You Are My Sunshine.
36. Who did the teenage vampire ask to the prom?
    The girl necks door.
37. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
    Lots of blood tests.
38. Where does a vampire clean his teeth?
    In the bat-room.

Dracula Jokes

39. Why did Dracula become an accountant?
    He loved to keep count.
40. What is Dracula’s favorite cereal?
    Count Chocula.
41. Why did Dracula go to the library?
    He wanted a spine tingling book.
42. Why did Dracula join the choir?
    He had a great voice after dark.
43. What is Dracula’s favorite game?
    Hide and shriek.
44. Why did Dracula get a report card award?
    He was outstanding in his crypt.
45. What does Dracula eat at a picnic?
    A fang-wich.
46. Why did Dracula bring a ladder?
    He wanted to reach new heights.
47. What does Dracula do at recess?
    He bats around ideas.
48. Why does Dracula always stay up late?
    He is a night person.
49. What did Dracula say when he finished his homework?
    Count me done.
50. Why did Dracula open a restaurant?
    He wanted to serve fright bites.
51. What is Dracula’s favorite subject?
    Ac-count-ing.
52. Why did Dracula wear a tuxedo?
    He wanted to look sharp.
53. What did Dracula say to his friend?
    You are fang-tastic.
54. Why did Dracula bring a notebook?
    He wanted to keep track of the count.
55. What does Dracula use to fix his cape?
    A bat-ch kit.
56. Why did Dracula enter the talent show?
    He wanted to take a bite out of show business.
57. What is Dracula’s favorite kind of story?
    One with a good twist and bite.
58. Why did Dracula love the school play?
    He got to be in the spotlight after dark.

Vampire Puns

59. Fang you very much.
60. Have a fang-tastic Halloween.
61. You are fang-mazing.
62. Count me in.
63. Looking sharp today.
64. Bat to the bone.
65. I am your biggest fang.
66. Let’s hang out.
67. Keep calm and bat on.
68. That joke has bite.
69. You really raised the stakes.
70. This party doesn’t suck.
71. Have a bloody good time.
72. I vant to laugh.
73. Creep it real.
74. That was a fang-tastic idea.
75. Bite to meet you.

Vampire Riddles

76. I have fangs, a cape, and I sleep all day. What am I?
    A vampire.
77. I fly at night and hang upside down. What am I?
    A bat.
78. I am round, bright, and vampires avoid me in the morning. What am I?
    The sun.
79. I help vampires see in the dark and fly through the night. What am I?
    A bat friend.
80. I am a spooky house where vampires might live. What am I?
    A castle.
81. I am the number Dracula always loves. What am I?
    The count.
82. I am a vampire’s favorite place to sleep. What am I?
    A coffin.
83. I am something vampires don’t like on pizza. What am I?
    Garlic.
84. I am a spooky laugh in the middle of the night. What am I?
    A vampire giggle.
85. I am what a vampire wears around his neck. What am I?
    A cape.

Knock Knock Vampire Jokes

86. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Fang.
    Fang who?
    Fang goodness it is Halloween!
87. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Dracula.
    Dracula who?
    Dracula little closer so I can hear you.
88. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Bat.
    Bat who?
    Bat you didn’t expect another vampire joke!
89. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Count.
    Count who?
    Count on me for more Halloween laughs.

Free Printable Vampire Joke Cards

Add a little spooky fun to lunch boxes, classroom parties, Halloween treat bags, or after school snacks with these free printable vampire joke cards. Print the page, cut the cards apart, and tuck in a fang-tastic laugh for kids to enjoy.

These vampire lunch box jokes are clean, silly, and easy for kids to read. They are also fun to hand out at a Halloween party or leave as a surprise note during October.

90. Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
    Because he had bat breath!
91. What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
    Blood oranges.
92. Why was Dracula good at math?
    Because he was always counting.
93. What kind of dog does a vampire have?
    A bloodhound.
94. What is a vampire’s favorite candy?
    Suckers.
95. Why did Dracula get a job at the blood bank?
    He wanted to make a withdrawal.
96. What do vampires say after hearing a great joke?
    That doesn’t suck!
97. What is a vampire’s favorite sport?
    Bat-minton.
98. Why did the vampire go to art school?
    Because he wanted to draw blood.
99. What do vampires do on vacation?
    Go bat-packing.
100. Did you hear about the vampire romance?
     It was love at first bite.
101. Why did Dracula get glasses?
     He was blind as a bat.

Ways to Use These Vampire Jokes

Tuck one into a lunch box for a fun Halloween surprise.

• Read a few out loud at a classroom party.
• Add a joke card to a Halloween treat bag.
• Use them as silly conversation starters at dinner.
• Share one each morning as a countdown to Halloween.
• Print the joke cards and let kids trade them with friends.
• The are perfect lunch bag notes for a giggle at school

More Halloween Fun

Keep the spooky laughs going with even more Halloween jokes and activities.

• Halloween Jokes for Kids
• Ghost Jokes
• Witch Jokes
• Monster Jokes
• Mummy Jokes
• Halloween Coloring Pages
• Cute Halloween Coloring Pages
• Halloween Drawings

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