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Well I have been putting off this post for weeks now. Some of you may have noticed posting has slowed greatly around here. My family has been experiencing some difficulties. I thought I could just keep “blogging” through as I normally do. For the most part I try to keep this blog a happy place. Often it is my counter balance to a very stressful life. I think I have only mentioned it once. Today I finally decided that really wasn’t helping anybody and in many ways I am not being authentic by pretending everything is always okay. We have been receiving a tremendous amount support from our friends and in turn if there is anyway possible, we want to pass this goodness forward. We hope in some little way that in sharing our struggles at least one of you will know you are not alone.
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My oldest son, whom is now 16, has Asperger’s Syndrome. Over the years we have certainly had our ups and downs. For the most part things have been manageable, but for the last couple of months it has been difficult. We finally realized we could no longer help our son alone.
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So as I write this I am in Denver with my son. He is in a day treatment program at the Children’s Hospital. It has been bumpy and we often don’t know what the day will bring. We have been here over two weeks. Thankfully my husband and other children were able to join us for one week and experience some family therapy that was wonderful for building our family back up. I think this will be our final week here, fingers and toes crossed.
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I guess my point in sharing this is to let you know if you find yourself in our spot, you are not alone. I wish I could say something profound to make your situation easier if you too find your family in crisis — maybe that will come later.
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We are learning some valuable lessons:
Rely on Friends
This would have been far to difficult to handle alone. From the former autism consultant graciously opening her home (indefinitely –poor thing) to us while in Denver to the countless friends that have watched our children and made my husband meals, to those friends knowing this adventure would be difficult financially thus sending us off with money, we have been helped beyond belief.
Be Educated.
In the beginning we were, then we stepped away. This never goes away and this is one time ignorance is not bliss. It would have served us well to have kept reading and learning.
Sharpen Your tools.
For us when things went smoothly we closed up our tool box. Looking back we should have used the calm peaceful spells to make sure our (and especially our son’s) coping skills, management skills and tools for living were being honed, practiced and perfected.
Stay Connected.
There is power in numbers. Remember there are other families dealing with similar issues, really it is never necessary to feel like you are crazy and or alone! My family is living proof.
Be thankful.
Oh believe me this is hard some days, especially now that my life has come to a screeching halt. Everyday though we are reminded through our friends’ and family’s love and care of God’s unending provision for our lives. How thankful we are for their love and support.
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We are thankful for the countless doctors and clinicians who have taken the time to learn the special nuances of this disorder and make it their life’s work to help these children.
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We are thankful for those teachers that don’t give up, who often are at our house going the extra mile to help our son succeed.
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We are thankful most of all for this amazing bright young man whom we have the honor to call our son. Daily his obstacles are great yet he keeps putting himself out there. We all could learn from his determination!
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So this is why I haven’t been regularly posting and it might take awhile to get back in the swing of things when I return home, but please don’t be a stranger here , hopefully you can always find something fun in the categories. This blog brings me so much joy! Thank you for stopping by— I appreciate your presence more than you will ever know!
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The photos were taken by my husband on a bike ride through the mountains with a friend and our boys last week.
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Thanks for sharing…I’m glad you did because, as you said, it helps to do so. I don’t have children with autism but we know quite a few families with children Aspergers or other forms of autism and they all testify to the need for help from professionals and good family and friends. Hope all goes well with your son’s treatment.
i read this post this morning and have been thinking about it all day! we too have a son with asperger’s and i have never wrote anything about my son. it’s funny because i used some of the teacher appreciation ideas for his amazing teacher he has had this year! i will always remember what you wrote about sharpening your tools and we will continue to educate ourselves. thanks for your great blog post!
Just wanted to say I’m thinking of you and wishing you the strength and grace to manage these challenges. I’ve heard wonderful things about the program you are visiting!
Thanks for sharing-you’re a great mother. You’ll be in my thoughts.
thank you so much for sharing your story! i am a preschool teacher and in the last four years have had several children in my classroom who fell on the autistic spectrum. some entered my classroom with a diagnosis, a few received a diagnosis during the year, and some did not want to face the issues their child was having. as you know, early intervention is crucial for children who fall on the spectrum. i believe the more people are aware of autism and the children and families who face its challenges, the more people will not fear the unknown. i just want to help these families understand their children and their needs more. i think stories like yours can help do that!
So sorry to hear of your family’s struggles. I am so impressed that you put your family’s hard times out here for people to know about and to help others. I applaud you. I will be sending prayers your way.
((hugs))
Jen
Sorry to hear your family is going through such a rough time…my thoughts will be with you. I know it is hard to open up about personal matters, so thanks for sharing!
I hope all the best for you and your family. I have had loads of fun sewing due to your blog. I hope you find that same joy and happiness sometime very soon.
Sorry to hear your family is going through such a rough time…my thoughts will be with you.
Cindy, I am so sorry your family is struggling right now. I am in therapy to deal with problems stemming from my son’s serious heart defect and your suggestions will definitely be helpful. More importantly, I hope the warm thoughts and prayers that many in the blogosphere are sending your way can be felt.
Thank you for sharing and don’t be hesitant to do so again if you need to on your blog. Journal writing can help you with coping during the trying times.
Cindy, I have wanted to post all day but I was at work and wanted to take the time to write. I work with children on the Autism Spectrum as a speech therapist and would like to be in the classroom someday soon (working on it as my Masters). It is challenging and difficult but I know the reason I do it everyday is for that one single moment (which often times can be almost a year in the making) when a child “gets” it. That “ah-ha” moment where they make the connection. All the hard work, months of trying, tantrums, difficult days all erase away. That is why I do it. Let me share a story with you, about a month ago I was out in the community with one of my classes and we were at a restaurant where I saw a former student of mine working as part of his job training/life skills class. I went over and said hello, he remembered me and I felt awesome that he progressed to being able to have a job.
As I sat there in the restaurant I texted all my friends who worked with him and told them the good news, they all said to say hello and were so happy for him. That was an ah-ha moment.
I am thinking about you and your family and know that you can count me on your side if you ever need to chat, talk or just vent (about anything). He is very lucky to have a mom like you and a family that is caring and on his side.
Bless you, Zizette
Prayers for you and your family. Take as long a break as you need…I’m sure we will all be here when you get back. I know I will be!
Thank you for sharing. It’s not easy opening up our struggles to others. I am glad you have the help of friends to see you through the tough times. Chin up.
I visit your blog often, not often commenting however. I appreciate your honesty and know that there is some great comfort in “blog land”. It is wierd. I have gone through some serious trials and bloggy friends (new and old) come out of the woodworks to offer support. I hope that you find that sort of love too. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. I live in Denver and have some friends who are doctors at the Children’s Hospital – I know you are in great hands!
Thank you so much for sharing your life with us. I will pray for strength for you.