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Well I have been putting off this post for weeks now. Some of you may have noticed posting has slowed greatly around here. My family has been experiencing some difficulties. I thought I could just keep “blogging” through as I normally do. For the most part I try to keep this blog a happy place. Often it is my counter balance to a very stressful life. I think I have only mentioned it once. Today I finally decided that really wasn’t helping anybody and in many ways I am not being authentic by pretending everything is always okay. We have been receiving a tremendous amount support from our friends and in turn if there is anyway possible, we want to pass this goodness forward. We hope in some little way that in sharing our struggles at least one of you will know you are not alone.
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My oldest son, whom is now 16, has Asperger’s Syndrome. Over the years we have certainly had our ups and downs. For the most part things have been manageable, but for the last couple of months it has been difficult. We finally realized we could no longer help our son alone.
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So as I write this I am in Denver with my son. He is in a day treatment program at the Children’s Hospital. It has been bumpy and we often don’t know what the day will bring. We have been here over two weeks. Thankfully my husband and other children were able to join us for one week and experience some family therapy that was wonderful for building our family back up. I think this will be our final week here, fingers and toes crossed.
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I guess my point in sharing this is to let you know if you find yourself in our spot, you are not alone. I wish I could say something profound to make your situation easier if you too find your family in crisis — maybe that will come later.
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We are learning some valuable lessons:
Rely on Friends
This would have been far to difficult to handle alone. From the former autism consultant graciously opening her home (indefinitely –poor thing) to us while in Denver to the countless friends that have watched our children and made my husband meals, to those friends knowing this adventure would be difficult financially thus sending us off with money, we have been helped beyond belief.
Be Educated.
In the beginning we were, then we stepped away. This never goes away and this is one time ignorance is not bliss. It would have served us well to have kept reading and learning.
Sharpen Your tools.
For us when things went smoothly we closed up our tool box. Looking back we should have used the calm peaceful spells to make sure our (and especially our son’s) coping skills, management skills and tools for living were being honed, practiced and perfected.
Stay Connected.
There is power in numbers. Remember there are other families dealing with similar issues, really it is never necessary to feel like you are crazy and or alone! My family is living proof.
Be thankful.
Oh believe me this is hard some days, especially now that my life has come to a screeching halt. Everyday though we are reminded through our friends’ and family’s love and care of God’s unending provision for our lives. How thankful we are for their love and support.
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We are thankful for the countless doctors and clinicians who have taken the time to learn the special nuances of this disorder and make it their life’s work to help these children.
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We are thankful for those teachers that don’t give up, who often are at our house going the extra mile to help our son succeed.
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We are thankful most of all for this amazing bright young man whom we have the honor to call our son. Daily his obstacles are great yet he keeps putting himself out there. We all could learn from his determination!
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So this is why I haven’t been regularly posting and it might take awhile to get back in the swing of things when I return home, but please don’t be a stranger here , hopefully you can always find something fun in the categories. This blog brings me so much joy! Thank you for stopping by— I appreciate your presence more than you will ever know!
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The photos were taken by my husband on a bike ride through the mountains with a friend and our boys last week.
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Thanks for sharing your situation with all of us. You are not alone. Though the struggles may be different, many of us deal with issues with our children that are tough and sometimes heartbreaking. My struggle is with my 6 yr old’s life threatening food allergies. I wrote a week of blog posts about food allergy, with one coming to the heart of the struggle.
http://4keith.blogspot.com/2009/05/food-allergy-awareness-week-friday.html
You will be in my thoughts. Your child is lucky to have a wonderful mom and a great family backing him up.
THANK YOU…THANK YOU…THANK YOU for putting it all in perspective, at a time when i desperately need it:-)
My 8 yr old was diagnosed Bipolar 2 years ago and it’s a difficult and rocky road……..sometimes seeming insurmountable.
My prayers are with you on this journey and know that your posting gave someone hope today:-)
I can understand your struggle and appreciate your honesty. May God give your family strength and peace.
Thanks for sharing your personal life with us. I know how hard that must be. You are in my thoughts as you struggle. Just know that we are praying for you and hopefully things will get easier.
I have Asperger’s myself, and it makes me feel good to read about a parent being so supportive. ((hugs))
Thank you for being real. I often find myself wanting to blog more but I don’t. I get concerned that what I have to say isn’t pleasant or witty. (So many blogs are both!) For me real life is very real and that means I get the ups with the downs. I know we all have real lives like that but many only share the beautiful and lovely side of things. I’m often left wondering (after reading those blogs) if I’m the only one with struggles.
I was in Denver’s Children Hospital 17 years ago with my son. I remember my stay there well. I lived in Denver, Thornton and Fort Collins for years before moving to Illinois. Sorry I can’t be closer to lend you a shoulder. I will say a prayer for your family.
I too wish I had answers. I don’t. In cases of my lack of understanding, I hold firmly to my faith. I hope you have that to give you strength. Sending you loving and friendly thoughts from afar. : )
what can I say, but…you are inspiring…thankyou
(((hugs))) Cindy. Take care out there… I’ll be thinking of you. xo
Thank you for your honesty in sharing your family’s situation and experiences through this post. Life is meant to be shared – the good times and the times with which we struggle most. Praying for you and yours, for strength, stamina and a sense of peace that can only come from Him.
My almost 15yr old son has Asperger’s with ADHD. I’m really glad you posted this. We had an absolute HORRIFYING day Sunday. Around 4pm, he announced that he didn’t take his Adderall that morning. Well now he knows WHY he takes it. My body was actually sore from being tense all day long.
Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone. AND that its OK to admit when we need help.
Thank you so much for sharing. I have a 6 year old daughter who is autistic. Ignorance is indeed not bliss and the more knowledge you are equipped with, the easier it gets. I hope your son gets all the help he needs and deserves. Best wishes and good luck.
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re family has been going through rough times. My thoughts and prayers are with you! *hugs*
Hey Cindy,
I do not know if you remember Willem from back in the day at ISD, he too has been diagnosed with Aspergers and since it is very recent I am still in the denial stage. He is now 14 and I have no idea where to go from here.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and if you learn anything significant, I would greatly appreciate you passing the info along.
I love your site and todays post really hit home.
Thanks and I hope all is well!
Liz Roud
I am also a mother of a child on the autism spectrum. Thank you for sharing with us. Somedays I am isolated to the home with my son. I have found daily reading of quilt and craft blogs gives me a sense of normalcy. Once your life settles down a bit, please continue to blog. From reading the post before me, sounds like there are other families touched by autism who enjoy your blog.
For some time I worked with kids with diaabilities. It is a hard thing to go through for some more so than others.My greatgrandson has aspergers and is progressing nicely but will always have some quirks that we understand but the outsiders do not. He is sweet and a very even disposition. He just has to fight fears most of the time.Things the avergage person would not give a second thought.I pray that you all can get the help that will guide you to a workable and livable solution. God Bless. Pat