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Well I have been putting off this post for weeks now. Some of you may have noticed posting has slowed greatly around here. My family has been experiencing some difficulties. I thought I could just keep “blogging” through as I normally do. For the most part I try to keep this blog a happy place. Often it is my counter balance to a very stressful life. I think I have only mentioned it once. Today I finally decided that really wasn’t helping anybody and in many ways I am not being authentic by pretending everything is always okay. We have been receiving a tremendous amount support from our friends and in turn if there is anyway possible, we want to pass this goodness forward. We hope in some little way that in sharing our struggles at least one of you will know you are not alone.
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My oldest son, whom is now 16, has Asperger’s Syndrome. Over the years we have certainly had our ups and downs. For the most part things have been manageable, but for the last couple of months it has been difficult. We finally realized we could no longer help our son alone.
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So as I write this I am in Denver with my son. He is in a day treatment program at the Children’s Hospital. It has been bumpy and we often don’t know what the day will bring. We have been here over two weeks. Thankfully my husband and other children were able to join us for one week and experience some family therapy that was wonderful for building our family back up. I think this will be our final week here, fingers and toes crossed.
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I guess my point in sharing this is to let you know if you find yourself in our spot, you are not alone. I wish I could say something profound to make your situation easier if you too find your family in crisis — maybe that will come later.
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We are learning some valuable lessons:
Rely on Friends
This would have been far to difficult to handle alone. From the former autism consultant graciously opening her home (indefinitely –poor thing) to us while in Denver to the countless friends that have watched our children and made my husband meals, to those friends knowing this adventure would be difficult financially thus sending us off with money, we have been helped beyond belief.
Be Educated.
In the beginning we were, then we stepped away. This never goes away and this is one time ignorance is not bliss. It would have served us well to have kept reading and learning.
Sharpen Your tools.
For us when things went smoothly we closed up our tool box. Looking back we should have used the calm peaceful spells to make sure our (and especially our son’s) coping skills, management skills and tools for living were being honed, practiced and perfected.
Stay Connected.
There is power in numbers. Remember there are other families dealing with similar issues, really it is never necessary to feel like you are crazy and or alone! My family is living proof.
Be thankful.
Oh believe me this is hard some days, especially now that my life has come to a screeching halt. Everyday though we are reminded through our friends’ and family’s love and care of God’s unending provision for our lives. How thankful we are for their love and support.
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We are thankful for the countless doctors and clinicians who have taken the time to learn the special nuances of this disorder and make it their life’s work to help these children.
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We are thankful for those teachers that don’t give up, who often are at our house going the extra mile to help our son succeed.
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We are thankful most of all for this amazing bright young man whom we have the honor to call our son. Daily his obstacles are great yet he keeps putting himself out there. We all could learn from his determination!
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So this is why I haven’t been regularly posting and it might take awhile to get back in the swing of things when I return home, but please don’t be a stranger here , hopefully you can always find something fun in the categories. This blog brings me so much joy! Thank you for stopping by— I appreciate your presence more than you will ever know!
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The photos were taken by my husband on a bike ride through the mountains with a friend and our boys last week.
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Cindy!!!
Thanks so much for this post. My oldest is on the spectrum (more moderate-severe)- I love your honesty and advice. On National Autism Day I wrote an autism post if you want to check it out:
http://adventureswiththeprovosts.blogspot.com/2009/04/national-day.html
And I totally agree- it can be very lonely at times. I’m here for you!! From one autism mom to another. Hang in there.
You are never alone in this journey. I work at a facility in Mississipppi for people with developmental and physical disabilities. In addition, there are several staff here who have children with Autism. It is indeed a journey. Our best resources are parents. If you would like, there is a parent here you would love to get to know. She works with other parents also. That is her soul mission. She is Susan McPhail. Her daughter is Ashley. We have all grown up with Ashley. her mom is very candid and down to earth. She is a strong advocate, but realistic. I think you would enjoy taking with her. her email address is: smcphail@nmrc.state.ms.us. Ashley has a twin brother who just graduated at Ole Ms. They are terrific resources and just good folk!!! You makeing the right steps in your journey. Be real, is what we tell families.
You are a good mother.
Our thoughts are with you. Your son is very lucky to have such a caring and supportive family.
Oh, honey. Take care, and let me know if I can do anything to help.
(((((hugs)))))
So sorry to hear that you have been struggling. Sending warm vibes you way and wishing you much love and peace.
My sister Rebecca already left a comment, but I wanted to add a thank you. Thanks so much for sharing this with us. I think that by sharing our stories, we are educating others. I think it opens us up to helping other people in similar shoes know how others deal with it. I sometimes feel so alone in my world. I love to read about other families living through tough situations. Together we become stronger.
Thanks so much for sharing!!
Anjeanette of the Roots and Wings Co girls;)
wow!!! although my b is adhd, i can totally see those same things here…sharpen your tools and keep loved ones close by! i am so glad you all are moving through this life together…and i know you will learn bc of your openness!!! prayers.
My prayers are with you! You are definitely not alone my son has autism (Asperger’s). It can be a day to day struggle. It’s a learning process for us as parents as well as our children. The entire family is affected by Autism not just the child or adult that has been diagnosed. I hope and pray that things are going well that and that you see positve outcome from all of this. Thanks so much for letting us know so that we can be there for you!
My 9 year old son was recently diagnosed with Aspergers. Originally he was diagnosed with ADHD. It is very difficult many days to see the struggles he goes through. It is hard on the entire family so I am so glad you were able to have the family counseling as part of his treatment. I fear at some point we may be in the same situation as my son is getting more violent the onlder he gets. I hope you are able to find the answers and comfort needed. Good luck!
Thank you so much for sharing your heart. I am the mother of a child with Autism as well. I will certainly remember you and your family in my prayers.
I am so sorry – my brother has Aspergers, and I understand.
I wish the best for you and your family. It sounds like you have a wonderful support system. Although it is hard being the glue that keeps the family together…when everyone looks to you for strength and guidance. Keep smiling and never loose faith. We’ll all be here waiting for you when you get back to blogging!
My son is 7 yrs 11 months. One thing I’ve learned is that it’s not a “short race” so to speak raising/helping my autistic son, but more like a long haul. While my son has made wonderful progress, his disability is life long.
I’m still trying to learn to pace myself and not get burned out. That’s the tricky part for me…balance.
Just to show you how misperceptions and askewed thinking can be even among close family members, my husband still thought our son could be “cured” with behavior therapy. Lol! Funny, but kind of sad.
The younger years are only the beginning. I’m trying not to think too far ahead, but I know that the teen years will be upon us before we know it!
Hi there,
Fitst of I want to tell you how corageous I think you are by telling the world about your worries and fears, your believes and your problems. Not everybody would decide to talk so open about having a Son with Asperger. As it happends to be, my sister has a son with asperger too, he will turn 12 in August this year. He goes to a special school with lots and lots of people surounding him for help and support. I know your son has the best saftynet he could hope for, he has you and his dad!
Keep believing in him, he could turn out to be the best thing ever happend to you in your life!
hugs from the Netherlands
Winda aka DutchQ from number 29 aka (*ü*)