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Well I have been putting off this post for weeks now. Some of you may have noticed posting has slowed greatly around here. My family has been experiencing some difficulties. I thought I could just keep “blogging” through as I normally do. For the most part I try to keep this blog a happy place. Often it is my counter balance to a very stressful life. I think I have only mentioned it once. Today I finally decided that really wasn’t helping anybody and in many ways I am not being authentic by pretending everything is always okay. We have been receiving a tremendous amount support from our friends and in turn if there is anyway possible, we want to pass this goodness forward. We hope in some little way that in sharing our struggles at least one of you will know you are not alone.
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My oldest son, whom is now 16, has Asperger’s Syndrome. Over the years we have certainly had our ups and downs. For the most part things have been manageable, but for the last couple of months it has been difficult. We finally realized we could no longer help our son alone.
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So as I write this I am in Denver with my son. He is in a day treatment program at the Children’s Hospital. It has been bumpy and we often don’t know what the day will bring. We have been here over two weeks. Thankfully my husband and other children were able to join us for one week and experience some family therapy that was wonderful for building our family back up. I think this will be our final week here, fingers and toes crossed.
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I guess my point in sharing this is to let you know if you find yourself in our spot, you are not alone. I wish I could say something profound to make your situation easier if you too find your family in crisis — maybe that will come later.
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We are learning some valuable lessons:
Rely on Friends
This would have been far to difficult to handle alone. From the former autism consultant graciously opening her home (indefinitely –poor thing) to us while in Denver to the countless friends that have watched our children and made my husband meals, to those friends knowing this adventure would be difficult financially thus sending us off with money, we have been helped beyond belief.
Be Educated.
In the beginning we were, then we stepped away. This never goes away and this is one time ignorance is not bliss. It would have served us well to have kept reading and learning.
Sharpen Your tools.
For us when things went smoothly we closed up our tool box. Looking back we should have used the calm peaceful spells to make sure our (and especially our son’s) coping skills, management skills and tools for living were being honed, practiced and perfected.
Stay Connected.
There is power in numbers. Remember there are other families dealing with similar issues, really it is never necessary to feel like you are crazy and or alone! My family is living proof.
Be thankful.
Oh believe me this is hard some days, especially now that my life has come to a screeching halt. Everyday though we are reminded through our friends’ and family’s love and care of God’s unending provision for our lives. How thankful we are for their love and support.
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We are thankful for the countless doctors and clinicians who have taken the time to learn the special nuances of this disorder and make it their life’s work to help these children.
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We are thankful for those teachers that don’t give up, who often are at our house going the extra mile to help our son succeed.
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We are thankful most of all for this amazing bright young man whom we have the honor to call our son. Daily his obstacles are great yet he keeps putting himself out there. We all could learn from his determination!
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So this is why I haven’t been regularly posting and it might take awhile to get back in the swing of things when I return home, but please don’t be a stranger here , hopefully you can always find something fun in the categories. This blog brings me so much joy! Thank you for stopping by— I appreciate your presence more than you will ever know!
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The photos were taken by my husband on a bike ride through the mountains with a friend and our boys last week.
T
My thoughts are with you and your son that he gets the support and the coping skills he needs to move into adult life. Autism is so difficult for everyone involved, but thankfully (as you pointed out) they is a lot of support and information to be found.
Thank you for sharing–your family is in my prayers.
As the Mother of a 12 Year Old Aspergers Daughter and the Sister of a 47 Year Old Aspergers Brother…I say Amen to all you shared.
Contact me ANY time to talk, share, laugh, cry.
Autism runs in our family as well. I’ve seen how it can affect a family. I applaud you for putting your family first. I know how hard it is to open your personal life up to the blog world! My blog is called RootsAndWingsCo. It is with my sister, Anjeanette, and sister-in-law, Katrina. Katrina did a post on just this topic: http://rootsandwingsco.blogspot.com/2009/03/autism-awareness-pin.html
And Anjeanette has a post on how a different diagnosis has affected her family’s life:
http://rootsandwingsco.blogspot.com/2009/05/this-week-is-national-eosinophil.html
So, we understand how a diagnosis affects your family. If you ever need to swap stories feel free to contact us.
Rebecca
Our thoughts and Prayers are with you. We, too have a son that has been diagnosed under the Autism Spectrum…He is Bi-Polar, has sensory issues, fine and gross motor inabilities, speech and language disabilities and learning disabilities. These all fall under the Autism Spectrum…God Bless you and your family as this is a very trying disorder..Not only for you, your family but your son too…And yes, I agree, these kids have the perserverance beyond belief…They just keep on keeping on, plugging away at every day life and whatever comes there way…
Again, God Bless You..
Terri
I too will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. I hope all will be well.
Thank you Ms. Lou! I clicked a link in your sharing portion and read about autism. You are a very special woman and I can totally believe that your son and family will come through this time stronger and ready for the next stages in all your lives. “Coming clean” on blue days, or during a challenge is hard, but also cleansing! Thank you for opening your heart and life to so many. You can count on my prayers too!
I’ve enjoyed your site for a long time. Thank you for opening your heart and sharing with us. I have a friend whose son has Asperger’s Syndrome. It’s certainly difficult for all involved. I’m glad you’re getting the help and support you need. May you find God’s grace abundantly sufficient for every need.
I also have a son with Autism. We are amazed at all the wonderful things he has been able to accomplish, despite what some the doctors told us in the early days. Every once in a while we see him slip back into certain behaviors that worry us. Though it has been a struggle, I can honestly say that we have been blessed with this disease. It has been so hard, but through this we have seen amazing things happen. Not just with him, but with all those around him. I can’t agree enough with the “staying connected” mentality. I do believe that being plugged in, not only saved my sanity, but enabled us to introduce the new face of Autism to so many of our friends, and gain new friends with similar struggles. So, as a small encouragement, you can rejoice that God has given you an extra special angel to take care of – and remember the ministry you have because of that gift! I will definitely remember you in my prayers!
I will be keeping your family in my prayers! Your post brings tears to my eyes becuase since having my son 7 years ago I always feel such a connections with other special need families! Such a great post, I think you will be helping a lot of other Mom’s with it! Love your blog!
You will be in my thoughts and prayers! I really feel that what you are doing, the sharing of how you & your family are coping with the situation is so incedible! You don’t knwo how or when you will really touch someone else who needs to hear what you are sharing from so deep withen you! You allowed yourself to be vulnerable, however in return you may help someone else in such tremendous ways- & never even know it. I can’t express how wonderful the track of your journey will take you, just by becoming so open in your expression!
God Bless you, I will pray for you & your family…
Your life is echoing mine. My son is 13 and going to the consultant next week to be diagnosed. He has seveer Ad hd , when this was diagnosed I did not treat it as a DISABILITY infact it gave me the strenth and ABILITY to deal and cope with him better. Your posts give me such a boost over here un the UK, As i call it my sanity time breaks on the pc or my sewing machine. I’m rooting for you girl keep us up to date with news, in my thoughts and preyers
I’ll keep you in my prayers.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I love your blog and craft ideas and thank you for you sharing your creativity and thoughts.
bless your heart and your sons too..
i can only imagine.. having to feel like you have to put it in other peoples hands
my lil man is almost 5 and has autism.. and well honestly its the most challenging and trying fight..
if there is anything i can do to help let me know
i am so proud of you for knowing when to hand the wheel over..
i only hope if i am ever in your shoes that i would be as strong as you!!!
take care.. and give that man a big squeeze for me!
sam